Where to begin? So much has happened in the past few months, so many changes for the better. If they are for the better then why do I feel filled with anxiety and fear? In the past few months, I met the man I believe is the man I have waited 35 years to come into my life and fell in love with him. I should be throwing up sunshine and rainbows right? I wish I was right now!
Why am I not throwing up sunshine and rainbows since I have fallen in love with the man of my dreams? One simple answer.... Fear! I am so afraid of getting hurt that it's hard to let myself completely be happy. For almost a whole day I allowed myself to be happy and smile but I was knocked back down real fast. I was reminded that I'm the one in love in this relationship not him. How in the hell did I let this happen?
I have been so good at keeping myself at arms length in past relationships but with this one, I have lost all control of my feelings. This is the scariest thing in the world because how do you allow the relationship continue knowing you are the only one who has these feelings without getting hurt. This is where I am at right now. I know I love him but how much will it hurt if he never loves me back. I've been given the excuse that his actions speak louder than words but it hurts like hell not hearing those 3 little words that I've never told anyone and actually meant it... Until him!
I don't think he realizes how big of a deal he is to be in my life, let alone allowing myself to fall in love with him. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me that no man wants to love me?
