2016 A New Year A New Me

2015 was not a great year for me... Not one of my worst year but not real growth was created in 2015 so I have big plans for 2016! I'm starting a New Year A New Me campaign in my life and my business'. I want to feel like an adult, a woman, a human with feelings again. With everything that has happened to me, I shut off my ability to care, to love, to feel. The consequences to shutting myself off was that I lost most of my friends, lost people I have loved and most of all I lost myself. Most days I have sat in my chair or any chair, feeling as numb to people as my hands do on a daily basis. It's not healthy for my mind or body.

So big changes are in store for 2016! I have been listening to Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project" on audible and have laid out a game plan for 2016. Some months will be harder then others but I want to smile again, to love and be loved, to feel happiness through my body and my life. 

As my poster states: This Year.....

A bad habit I am going to give up is eating snacks late at night or when I am stressed!

A new Skill I would like to learn is how to create professional makeup looks!

A person I hope to be like is the best self I can be!

A good deed I am going to do is continue to volunteer with Soldiers Angels!

A place I would like to visit is Disney World!

A book I would like to read the newest Nicholas Sparks book!

A letter I am going to write is to my children!

A new food I would like to try is jumbalaya!

I am going to do better at paying off my debts!

Now it's your turn whether you comment below or write them down for yourself to see, I encourage each of you to find small ways to better your life in 2016! 

Bah Humbug Club

It's the time of year that people are supposed to feel more love in their heart then any other time of year... So why am I living the spirit of Bah Humbug? As a single mom, I feel more stressed out around Christmas time then ever and it seems to get worse every year. Danyella gets older and wants more things and those things get more expensive. I would love to cancel Christmas gifts and spend the money on the car I need to buy but the rest of my family doesn't agree with my theory of getting back to the true spirit of Christmas. 

Christmas is t supposed to be about what we get but what we give to others. I have tried to instill this as I raise Danyella but the world we live in is all about me me me. All Danyella really cares about is whether Santa is coming to give her the iPod she wants or the doll she wants or the other things on her list. I would rather have her buy gifts for other kids that need clothes or something special for Christmas and get away from the I want, I want, I want attitude. 

With the lack of Christmas spirit makes me not want to do any of our Christmas traditions like watching  Chrsitmas specials.... Doesn't help that TV has ruined how special these movies and shows are by running them on a loop everyday so now it's just another show. I used to love baking Christmas cookies but really could care less about baking them this year. Singing Christmas carols... Bah humbug. Driving around and looking at decorated houses.... Bah humbug. Even buying gifts for yo there... Bah humbug! 

I am not sure anything will change this attitude of mine before Christmas morning but until bedtime on December 25th, I will be putting on the fake smile and pretending (as much as I can act my ass off) that I am enjoying Christmas this year. Who else is joining me in the Bah Humbug club??

Leave the past in the past

So I decided to make Monday blogs.... My Love Life Monday or lack of love life! If you have read any of my past blog posts, you will know that my love life has been an up and down roller coaster. In my time of opening my heart to others, I have fallen in love, had my heart broken, married, divorced and dated myself. Love is not easy but it can be fun.... Or so I am told!

If I truly want to admit to myself about whom I have loved, it really has only been one. There are times where I mistaken feelings of lust for love but hind sight being 20/20, I now can see that those feelings were never actually love. Some of those feelings were my own desperation to want to love and be loved which ended in disaster. Never, ever push love because neither of you will ever be happy. 

So my post today is about leaving the past in the past... Meaning your ex or my exes at least. Almost 4 years ago, I met and fell in love with the man who still has my heart. Let's call him "Adam" since he looks like my #1 celeb crush Sdam Levine.  It ended badly the first time and it took me 3 years to date anyone seriously again. Don't get me wrong, I went on dates or would have "fun" with a guy (a girl has needs too) but I couldn't get past a few dates because I would find flaws in them. 

Then last January I met someone (let's call him Brown) I thought I could get serious despite the flaws that jumped at me, shouted at me and basically slapped me in the face. We dated and ended then he tried to apologize and try again. I thought about until I heard from Adam.... I was back in that whirlwind of love and with every call, every moment we spent together my heart fell harder and deeper. Until my birthday when it all ended and I have been broken hearted since that day.

During my 2 attempt with Adam, Brown tried to get back with me but nothing and no one could tear me from the love I felt in those months. After the breakup with Adam, Brown has come in and out of my life but has a hard time staying consistent. That is fatal flaw to me... If you can't find the time to take a couple of seconds to just text me then why should I put the effort out to create a life with you. 

After the heartbreak of Adam and the inconsistency of Brown, I have learned to keep the past in the past because when there are flaws it's rare someone will change to fix those flaws. Be happy for yourself not to be with someone. 

Dance and Networking

As a homeschooling mom, I don't have much interaction with other parents which can be hard when you work in a networking marketing business. The one thing Danyella loves is her dance classes twice a week and those classes has helped me expand my networking market.

In a normal situation, I am extremely shy so I have learned to bring yarn and hook with my everywhere which strikes up a conversation with anyone and everyone. Most people want to know what I am creating, some people want to know how I learned how to crochet or knit (most people have nomidea there is a major difference between the two) at such a young age (I look like I'm in my twenties which feels nice at 34) and they all want to know if sell or take custom orders. 

After our initial crochet talk which has brought in orders, I talk about how I run 2 other businesses that bring together all 3 of my loves... Handmade, tea and makeup! I started bringing in samples of tea for my fellow tea lovers and gained sales for the holidays. Almost every class I would wear my amazing mascara, create a beautiful eye look and make my lips shine! The other dance moms and teachers would notice and compliment me. So for Christmas presents, the dance teachers were given Younqiue eye pigment, liner and lip gloss. My belief, like the tea samples, is that once someone tries something they will fall in love with it and so will their friends and loved ones. 

Networking isn't something that comes overnight but the way you create relationships over time. The person who may not be interested now could be the person who becomes your biggest customer or most successful team member in the future! Create those relationships with people you see all the tIme because those are the relationships that bring you success in the future! 

Where has the time gone?

 

Each morning I wake up with this feeling of excitement that it is a new day. I am determined to get so much accomplished and check off everything on my to-do list! As I create my list, I think that I will get everyone of these done and it will be so easy. I set off to start my day and then turn around to look at the clock... Oh crap it's dinner time! Who else has had days, weeks, months or even years like this?

This has been a daily occurrence for months for me. I wake up with the right mind set of creating a successful, accomplished day then before I know it.... The day is over and my list has barely been touched!

Being December, my days are filled with making socks and hats for customers, homeschooling Danyella, placing orders for tea and makeup customers, ordering presents online, fighting with companies over lost packages (another post soon to come), and trying to find time to eat and sleep. One day soon I will clean and organize my product stock, my room, Danyella's toys and find my brain in this mess. One day soon I will read the book I checked out of the library that I really want to read. One day soon will be 2016 and busy season will be over and I will have a tiny part of my day back and I will accomplish my to-do list! My goal for 2016 is working on time management! 

Never Forget

Do you remember where you were in the moment you heard about the towers on 9/11/01? I remember it like it was yesterday and that paralyzing feeling still all to real in my mind today. It was supposed to be just an ordinary day, like every other day, until the moment where everything changed. 

My next question is.... Is our society back to being as relaxed as we were in the hours and minutes before the first plane hit the tower? So many people just go about their day like nothing happened on that day but it is US that need to remember those fateful moments that took to many lives and destroyed families forever. Yes, I have been through the airport security checks since 9/11 and it is a pain in the arse. I would take the long lines and intrusive bag checks over being in a hijacked plane any day! 

On this anniversary, I ask that you take a moment to remember where you were and how you felt when you got the news of 9/11 and then list what you are grateful for because you are still breathing while the people in those planes, in those buildings and the heroes that ran into those buildings are not. 

Lip Scrub Made in your Kitchen

This lip scrub is super easy to make from the products in your very own kitchen! All you need is a teaspoon or less of brown sugar (makes for a better exfoliant then white sugar), olive oil and honey. Locally harvested honey is the best for you to aid in fighting off allergies!

Keep your lips smooth and beautiful this fall and winter season by taking 3 minutes to scrub your lips! 

I'm not allowed to miss you

It's Friday night, I'm sitting here listening to classical music in an attempt to keep calm and reading a positive thinking book so that I don't dwell on the negative in my life. All of a sudden, the flood gates open and every tear that I have held back the past month appears as a long stream on salty, cold tears down my cheeks. Why today? It has been one month since you said your last words to me....

A breakup is hard but a breakup with someone the second time around and on your birthday is even harder... Or it has been for me. We have all been through a breakup or two or more and felt the pain and then just moved on as life moves on. This breakup hasn't been like the rest, I didn't go begging for reasons or another chance (don't tell me you haven't done this at least once!). Yes the desperate girl act in hopes that you won't lose him and everything will turn out perfect until they don't.... I have been in that cycle in the past but this time is so different.

I chalked up my calmness (there were moments of weakness and a few tears shed) to growing and evolving as a person.... Until tonight. Once I realized the date and the significance that marked one month since that dreadful night, I could no longer hold back the pain and tears. I cried for over an hour and just didn't know how to stop them. I know what I lost that night and I'm not saying I was at total fault for the push that shoved our relationship over the edge but I would never want to lose him from my life forever. 

Now I have no other choice but to be happy for him and whatever might be going on in his life because  tears and anger will never patch the gaping hole in my heart for losing not just the love I had but a friend that I will cherish forever. 

PS. Growing up sucks as much as being the bigger person! 

Makeup for Meira's Minions Autism Speaks Team

Did you know ...

• Autism now affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys
• Autism prevalence figures are growing
• Autism is the fastest-growing developmental disorder in the U.S.
• Autism costs a family $60,000 a year on average
• Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism
• There is no medical detection or cure for autism

Autism is a condition affecting more and more children across the world but very little is know about it. Autism Speaks raises money through walks and other fundraisers to help with research to find out more on how to help children and adults with Autism. My 5 year old niece Meira has Autism and her mom set up a team called Meira's Minions for an upcoming Autism Speaks walk in Cranford, NJ. 

These walks raise money and awareness to Autism. As a single mom, I cannot just donate a lump sum of money, so I am walking and raising money like we used to on my old sports teams. My first fundraiser is donating 100% of my commission from all sales on my site angeleyesbymeagan.com which is my Younique makeup and skincare site. These products are amazing and when you purchase just one item (or more if you would like), you are help to support a 5 year old, an organization and other people with this condition. So isn't a tube of lipgloss worth it's money now?? 

Never Regret Your Past

Everyone grows from the situations they have experienced in life and I am no different from the rest. To say life has been a struggle is putting it mildly, to say the least. A single mom with health issues is a struggle all on its own then add other people into the mix and life becomes complicated, messy and drama filled (not all my own but I have been a contributing factor in some of the drama). 

I have lived with anger, guilt and regret (nearly daily) for over 20 years now. I am not putting my age out there but let's just say the anger started as a child.... (You can guess my age now). How could I not be angry? The girls who were Daddy's Little Girl would make me green with envy because my own father had nothing to do with me. As I have grown and experienced one to many failed relationships and a failed marriage, I have learned that my anger towards my father has sculpted my actions in my relationships (romantic or otherwise but mainly romantic). In each relationship, I waited for them to leave me like my father did and one by one they did. Some were nicer about leaving then others but each have taught me a lesson or two about what I want (or don't want) in a relationship.

Lessons help us grow as a person and as a soul. The anger I have lived with for so many years would creep up with each man and eventually they would leave and I was left angrier then I was before them. Was it their fault? I'm not saying I dated the best men.....they each had/have their own issues to deal with but why be angry with them when they see what I needed at the time. I had a need for them to treat me like they did to fulfill my own anger filled self-prophecy.... I am not worthy of Love. 

It's not their fault I felt like this but it's my fault for letting it happen. With the anger I felt from my father, as a child, as an adult I projected it onto people that were incapable of loving me. I will always be grateful for the good times and memories I had with them but I finally got to a point where I can let go of the anger I feel towards them. As for my father and myself.... That's a work in progress so stay tuned! 

Kissing Some Toads

                      

 A few days ago, I was having a conversation with someone that I have somewhat dated on and off for the past 4 years about why I am always dating others guys. The simplest way I could put it was I need to kiss a lot of toads to find my prince. That's right now frogs but ugly, warty toads because after we breakup that's what my exes look like to me from the way they treated me. I mean seriously, what break up is a clean, non emotional breakup?? If you say you have had one then you are lying to me and more importantly yourself!

In any breakup, someone gets hurts, feels bitter and wants to seek revenge. Ok, ok that last part might just be me but like the saying goes "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"! 

Back to the original conversation, "Larry" and I have been on and off dating for 4 years because he has commitment issues (sorry if you read this but unfortunately the truth hurts). As I have been off dating, fell in love with someone, had my heart broken, dated more toads, fell in love with same person again (subject of another blog) and was broken up with on my Birthday a few weeks ago (did you keep up with all of that??), Larry felt like we have been kinda dating this whole time!!

This dating, as he sees it, consisted of occasional texts or phone calls usually around holidays or birthdays (when single people feel the loneliness) and attempting to have 4 dates a year. This dating, to me, is more of a friends with benefits (yes we would have sex on occasion and yes it was good) relationship. The benefits, whether it be sex or snuggling or just a friend to talk to, are something I see as a friend relationship.

As our conversation ended, I said I want a future with someone to share the little things in life with and talk about my day with which at 34 years old is not out of the ordinary for person (male or female) to desire.if that means I need to kiss (not have sex with) a thousand toads to find my prince then that is what I will do for my forever love. He never responded to what I said but it shows the difference in what people will settle for in their lives. I know what I want and I will never settle for less then that for anyone and neither should you! 

Living with Anxiety

Being a single mom, I know that I have always worried about life, money, my daughter and pretty much everything but recently my worrying went from bad to making life impossible. My anxiety about taking care of things in my life went from worrying thoughts to panic attacks that prevented me from functioning on a daily basis. 

The tightening of my chest.... Struggling to breathe.... Heart racing.... Feeling like I'm going to black out. It is the scariest feeling in the world. After the first time I had one, I thought I could handle them in the future but each one was worst then the last and even the small episodes of heart racing became a reason to not leave the house. How could I live with this everyday? I couldn't so I headed to the doctor's office. I was given Xanax and Paxil which seems to be helping when I get past the side effects of sleeping all the time and feeling nausea. 

I can only hope that this will help me deal with my worrisome thoughts and debilitating panic attacks because this is no way to live.