I Am Just A Girl With Feelings

 I am a girl with feelings which is what makes it so hard for me to date. My weakness is that when I feel something, I tend to fall hard and fast. I never look at the potential for hurt until I start feeling to much for a guy which I then proceed to find a way to make him break things off with me. Maybe it's my wall of insecurities or my own stupid girly ways or both but it's never going to land me the guy of my dreams. 

I go into this insecurity discussion because I am dating someone right now that is know as my Bad Boy... From the outside he is my perfect match! He is full of tattoos, has a beard, rides a bike ( yes totally hot even if I'm scared as hell to get back on a bike!) and is just so sexy to me and is just the ultimate bad boy. From the moment we started talking again, there was an instant connection I couldn't deny. We talked all day everyday for over a week though it felt like months. We talked about everything, even my darkest secrets which even some close friends don't know about me. Everything just felt right....

This is when I ruined my perfect man....

I turned into a girl in the worst possible way, I got jealous of his ex. I knew the situation from day 1 but the closer I got to him, the worse my brain twisted things in my head. I am firm believer that our thoughts create a reality. Well my nightmare of his ex getting close to him came true. He stopped talking to me cause I was flipping out with jealousy and as the mother of his child, his ex came before me. It hurt like hell because I then felt like I was just a fool for feeling something for him, telling him intimate things about myself and believing that when he said he felt the same it was true. His ex got jealous of me.... Which no lie felt good and in turn forced him to set boundaries with her. Problem was he still didn't want me....

Or so I thought! We ended up talking things out and I learned that I need to take a step back from the hot and heavy even if he is indulging my heart with loving things. One of the important things to him is that I don't punish him for what my exes have done in the past. We spent the day together which was amazing but I can still feel things are different. I am just a girl with feelings, it's hard to change my old ways but for him I'm willing to try.