Makeup for Meira's Minions Autism Speaks Team

Did you know ...

• Autism now affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys
• Autism prevalence figures are growing
• Autism is the fastest-growing developmental disorder in the U.S.
• Autism costs a family $60,000 a year on average
• Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism
• There is no medical detection or cure for autism

Autism is a condition affecting more and more children across the world but very little is know about it. Autism Speaks raises money through walks and other fundraisers to help with research to find out more on how to help children and adults with Autism. My 5 year old niece Meira has Autism and her mom set up a team called Meira's Minions for an upcoming Autism Speaks walk in Cranford, NJ. 

These walks raise money and awareness to Autism. As a single mom, I cannot just donate a lump sum of money, so I am walking and raising money like we used to on my old sports teams. My first fundraiser is donating 100% of my commission from all sales on my site angeleyesbymeagan.com which is my Younique makeup and skincare site. These products are amazing and when you purchase just one item (or more if you would like), you are help to support a 5 year old, an organization and other people with this condition. So isn't a tube of lipgloss worth it's money now?? 

Never Regret Your Past

Everyone grows from the situations they have experienced in life and I am no different from the rest. To say life has been a struggle is putting it mildly, to say the least. A single mom with health issues is a struggle all on its own then add other people into the mix and life becomes complicated, messy and drama filled (not all my own but I have been a contributing factor in some of the drama). 

I have lived with anger, guilt and regret (nearly daily) for over 20 years now. I am not putting my age out there but let's just say the anger started as a child.... (You can guess my age now). How could I not be angry? The girls who were Daddy's Little Girl would make me green with envy because my own father had nothing to do with me. As I have grown and experienced one to many failed relationships and a failed marriage, I have learned that my anger towards my father has sculpted my actions in my relationships (romantic or otherwise but mainly romantic). In each relationship, I waited for them to leave me like my father did and one by one they did. Some were nicer about leaving then others but each have taught me a lesson or two about what I want (or don't want) in a relationship.

Lessons help us grow as a person and as a soul. The anger I have lived with for so many years would creep up with each man and eventually they would leave and I was left angrier then I was before them. Was it their fault? I'm not saying I dated the best men.....they each had/have their own issues to deal with but why be angry with them when they see what I needed at the time. I had a need for them to treat me like they did to fulfill my own anger filled self-prophecy.... I am not worthy of Love. 

It's not their fault I felt like this but it's my fault for letting it happen. With the anger I felt from my father, as a child, as an adult I projected it onto people that were incapable of loving me. I will always be grateful for the good times and memories I had with them but I finally got to a point where I can let go of the anger I feel towards them. As for my father and myself.... That's a work in progress so stay tuned! 

Kissing Some Toads

                      

 A few days ago, I was having a conversation with someone that I have somewhat dated on and off for the past 4 years about why I am always dating others guys. The simplest way I could put it was I need to kiss a lot of toads to find my prince. That's right now frogs but ugly, warty toads because after we breakup that's what my exes look like to me from the way they treated me. I mean seriously, what break up is a clean, non emotional breakup?? If you say you have had one then you are lying to me and more importantly yourself!

In any breakup, someone gets hurts, feels bitter and wants to seek revenge. Ok, ok that last part might just be me but like the saying goes "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"! 

Back to the original conversation, "Larry" and I have been on and off dating for 4 years because he has commitment issues (sorry if you read this but unfortunately the truth hurts). As I have been off dating, fell in love with someone, had my heart broken, dated more toads, fell in love with same person again (subject of another blog) and was broken up with on my Birthday a few weeks ago (did you keep up with all of that??), Larry felt like we have been kinda dating this whole time!!

This dating, as he sees it, consisted of occasional texts or phone calls usually around holidays or birthdays (when single people feel the loneliness) and attempting to have 4 dates a year. This dating, to me, is more of a friends with benefits (yes we would have sex on occasion and yes it was good) relationship. The benefits, whether it be sex or snuggling or just a friend to talk to, are something I see as a friend relationship.

As our conversation ended, I said I want a future with someone to share the little things in life with and talk about my day with which at 34 years old is not out of the ordinary for person (male or female) to desire.if that means I need to kiss (not have sex with) a thousand toads to find my prince then that is what I will do for my forever love. He never responded to what I said but it shows the difference in what people will settle for in their lives. I know what I want and I will never settle for less then that for anyone and neither should you! 

Living with Anxiety

Being a single mom, I know that I have always worried about life, money, my daughter and pretty much everything but recently my worrying went from bad to making life impossible. My anxiety about taking care of things in my life went from worrying thoughts to panic attacks that prevented me from functioning on a daily basis. 

The tightening of my chest.... Struggling to breathe.... Heart racing.... Feeling like I'm going to black out. It is the scariest feeling in the world. After the first time I had one, I thought I could handle them in the future but each one was worst then the last and even the small episodes of heart racing became a reason to not leave the house. How could I live with this everyday? I couldn't so I headed to the doctor's office. I was given Xanax and Paxil which seems to be helping when I get past the side effects of sleeping all the time and feeling nausea. 

I can only hope that this will help me deal with my worrisome thoughts and debilitating panic attacks because this is no way to live. 

How Slow is a Slow Start?

As a Leo woman, I am used to falling for someone to hard and to fast, so dating a Taurus that likes to take things slow is out of my comfort zone. I am not the only Leo woman who is in love with love and the feeling of love more then the person they should love. Jennifer Lopez is the queen of Leo women who love felling love. She has gone through many marriages, engagements and relationships just to feel that amazing feeling of a man adoring you. For my whole dating life, I have been the same way.... Until now!

I have been dating "teacher" for over a month now and have been on dinner dates and sleepover dates but there is no rushing to feel to much because I can't read how he feels.... EVER! Being a Taurus (which is a first time for me), he likes to take thing slow and anazlyze everything. I'm used to the abundance of compliments, texts and feeling like I might be the one. The Teacher has me wondering if he going to answer my text, am I the only one he is dating or at least sleeping with or when will I see him again. Between his busy schedule and mine, our time together has been once every week or sometimes every 2 weeks. 

There is no denying that I crave more of his time and attention and the slow pace does frustrate me at times. There are moments where I feel like this is the right pace for us because I appreciate the time we do have together like when he fell asleep in my arms while watching a girlie movie. All I hope is that I can deal with the slow pace and keep my lioness calm for a while..... Happy Dating!

Misery Isn't Allowed in my Company

 Of 23. 

They say misery loves company which I am living with on a daily basis right now. For as long as I could remember my mother has always been miserable, always complaining and finding the negative in everything just to scream and holler about. There was time in my life, before I had Lily, that I cut my mother out of my life for 2 years. I went through stressful situations including having Lily and becoming a single mom all without her. 

Lily was about a year old when I came back home because I needed help as a single mom and I believed she had changed. That the 2 years of silence had taught her to appreciate her children not take them for granted. Well that lasted until my little brother, who was the favorite, unexpectedly died at a young age of 23. When he died she got worse, she tried to control each of our moves and actions because then she could make the "right" decision for us since she couldn't save my brother from his bad decisions. 

The years of living with her wore me thin until I finally broke 2 years ago. I couldn't take things anymore so I got help in finding an apartment which I struggled with paying rent and eventually got evicted. I moved in with a friend until he ended up in the same situation and I ended up making the worse decision ever....I moved back home. 

I have been back for about a month and each day I wake up more miserable then I did the. Isn't before which I didn't think was possible. Usually, I read positivity books, say affrimations and mediate. Since I have been back here, I have not read or mediate and my positive affrimations have been few and far between because I have started to believe I am this horrible person that doesn't derpserve anything good or to be happy.

Tonight I am making the decision to not give into her misery and negative attitude. I am working hard on my life and keeping happy. Yes money is stressful for s single mom but I have learned to start selling  things I don't need in my life on facebook yard sale pages and networking other ways to sell my products. I am as strong as I feel and today I am strong enough to cut the negative people out of my life even if that includes family!

I Am Just A Girl With Feelings

 I am a girl with feelings which is what makes it so hard for me to date. My weakness is that when I feel something, I tend to fall hard and fast. I never look at the potential for hurt until I start feeling to much for a guy which I then proceed to find a way to make him break things off with me. Maybe it's my wall of insecurities or my own stupid girly ways or both but it's never going to land me the guy of my dreams. 

I go into this insecurity discussion because I am dating someone right now that is know as my Bad Boy... From the outside he is my perfect match! He is full of tattoos, has a beard, rides a bike ( yes totally hot even if I'm scared as hell to get back on a bike!) and is just so sexy to me and is just the ultimate bad boy. From the moment we started talking again, there was an instant connection I couldn't deny. We talked all day everyday for over a week though it felt like months. We talked about everything, even my darkest secrets which even some close friends don't know about me. Everything just felt right....

This is when I ruined my perfect man....

I turned into a girl in the worst possible way, I got jealous of his ex. I knew the situation from day 1 but the closer I got to him, the worse my brain twisted things in my head. I am firm believer that our thoughts create a reality. Well my nightmare of his ex getting close to him came true. He stopped talking to me cause I was flipping out with jealousy and as the mother of his child, his ex came before me. It hurt like hell because I then felt like I was just a fool for feeling something for him, telling him intimate things about myself and believing that when he said he felt the same it was true. His ex got jealous of me.... Which no lie felt good and in turn forced him to set boundaries with her. Problem was he still didn't want me....

Or so I thought! We ended up talking things out and I learned that I need to take a step back from the hot and heavy even if he is indulging my heart with loving things. One of the important things to him is that I don't punish him for what my exes have done in the past. We spent the day together which was amazing but I can still feel things are different. I am just a girl with feelings, it's hard to change my old ways but for him I'm willing to try.