Never Forget

Do you remember where you were in the moment you heard about the towers on 9/11/01? I remember it like it was yesterday and that paralyzing feeling still all to real in my mind today. It was supposed to be just an ordinary day, like every other day, until the moment where everything changed. 

My next question is.... Is our society back to being as relaxed as we were in the hours and minutes before the first plane hit the tower? So many people just go about their day like nothing happened on that day but it is US that need to remember those fateful moments that took to many lives and destroyed families forever. Yes, I have been through the airport security checks since 9/11 and it is a pain in the arse. I would take the long lines and intrusive bag checks over being in a hijacked plane any day! 

On this anniversary, I ask that you take a moment to remember where you were and how you felt when you got the news of 9/11 and then list what you are grateful for because you are still breathing while the people in those planes, in those buildings and the heroes that ran into those buildings are not. 

Lip Scrub Made in your Kitchen

This lip scrub is super easy to make from the products in your very own kitchen! All you need is a teaspoon or less of brown sugar (makes for a better exfoliant then white sugar), olive oil and honey. Locally harvested honey is the best for you to aid in fighting off allergies!

Keep your lips smooth and beautiful this fall and winter season by taking 3 minutes to scrub your lips! 

I'm not allowed to miss you

It's Friday night, I'm sitting here listening to classical music in an attempt to keep calm and reading a positive thinking book so that I don't dwell on the negative in my life. All of a sudden, the flood gates open and every tear that I have held back the past month appears as a long stream on salty, cold tears down my cheeks. Why today? It has been one month since you said your last words to me....

A breakup is hard but a breakup with someone the second time around and on your birthday is even harder... Or it has been for me. We have all been through a breakup or two or more and felt the pain and then just moved on as life moves on. This breakup hasn't been like the rest, I didn't go begging for reasons or another chance (don't tell me you haven't done this at least once!). Yes the desperate girl act in hopes that you won't lose him and everything will turn out perfect until they don't.... I have been in that cycle in the past but this time is so different.

I chalked up my calmness (there were moments of weakness and a few tears shed) to growing and evolving as a person.... Until tonight. Once I realized the date and the significance that marked one month since that dreadful night, I could no longer hold back the pain and tears. I cried for over an hour and just didn't know how to stop them. I know what I lost that night and I'm not saying I was at total fault for the push that shoved our relationship over the edge but I would never want to lose him from my life forever. 

Now I have no other choice but to be happy for him and whatever might be going on in his life because  tears and anger will never patch the gaping hole in my heart for losing not just the love I had but a friend that I will cherish forever. 

PS. Growing up sucks as much as being the bigger person! 

Makeup for Meira's Minions Autism Speaks Team

Did you know ...

• Autism now affects 1 in 68 children and 1 in 42 boys
• Autism prevalence figures are growing
• Autism is the fastest-growing developmental disorder in the U.S.
• Autism costs a family $60,000 a year on average
• Boys are nearly five times more likely than girls to have autism
• There is no medical detection or cure for autism

Autism is a condition affecting more and more children across the world but very little is know about it. Autism Speaks raises money through walks and other fundraisers to help with research to find out more on how to help children and adults with Autism. My 5 year old niece Meira has Autism and her mom set up a team called Meira's Minions for an upcoming Autism Speaks walk in Cranford, NJ. 

These walks raise money and awareness to Autism. As a single mom, I cannot just donate a lump sum of money, so I am walking and raising money like we used to on my old sports teams. My first fundraiser is donating 100% of my commission from all sales on my site angeleyesbymeagan.com which is my Younique makeup and skincare site. These products are amazing and when you purchase just one item (or more if you would like), you are help to support a 5 year old, an organization and other people with this condition. So isn't a tube of lipgloss worth it's money now?? 

Never Regret Your Past

Everyone grows from the situations they have experienced in life and I am no different from the rest. To say life has been a struggle is putting it mildly, to say the least. A single mom with health issues is a struggle all on its own then add other people into the mix and life becomes complicated, messy and drama filled (not all my own but I have been a contributing factor in some of the drama). 

I have lived with anger, guilt and regret (nearly daily) for over 20 years now. I am not putting my age out there but let's just say the anger started as a child.... (You can guess my age now). How could I not be angry? The girls who were Daddy's Little Girl would make me green with envy because my own father had nothing to do with me. As I have grown and experienced one to many failed relationships and a failed marriage, I have learned that my anger towards my father has sculpted my actions in my relationships (romantic or otherwise but mainly romantic). In each relationship, I waited for them to leave me like my father did and one by one they did. Some were nicer about leaving then others but each have taught me a lesson or two about what I want (or don't want) in a relationship.

Lessons help us grow as a person and as a soul. The anger I have lived with for so many years would creep up with each man and eventually they would leave and I was left angrier then I was before them. Was it their fault? I'm not saying I dated the best men.....they each had/have their own issues to deal with but why be angry with them when they see what I needed at the time. I had a need for them to treat me like they did to fulfill my own anger filled self-prophecy.... I am not worthy of Love. 

It's not their fault I felt like this but it's my fault for letting it happen. With the anger I felt from my father, as a child, as an adult I projected it onto people that were incapable of loving me. I will always be grateful for the good times and memories I had with them but I finally got to a point where I can let go of the anger I feel towards them. As for my father and myself.... That's a work in progress so stay tuned! 

Kissing Some Toads

                      

 A few days ago, I was having a conversation with someone that I have somewhat dated on and off for the past 4 years about why I am always dating others guys. The simplest way I could put it was I need to kiss a lot of toads to find my prince. That's right now frogs but ugly, warty toads because after we breakup that's what my exes look like to me from the way they treated me. I mean seriously, what break up is a clean, non emotional breakup?? If you say you have had one then you are lying to me and more importantly yourself!

In any breakup, someone gets hurts, feels bitter and wants to seek revenge. Ok, ok that last part might just be me but like the saying goes "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"! 

Back to the original conversation, "Larry" and I have been on and off dating for 4 years because he has commitment issues (sorry if you read this but unfortunately the truth hurts). As I have been off dating, fell in love with someone, had my heart broken, dated more toads, fell in love with same person again (subject of another blog) and was broken up with on my Birthday a few weeks ago (did you keep up with all of that??), Larry felt like we have been kinda dating this whole time!!

This dating, as he sees it, consisted of occasional texts or phone calls usually around holidays or birthdays (when single people feel the loneliness) and attempting to have 4 dates a year. This dating, to me, is more of a friends with benefits (yes we would have sex on occasion and yes it was good) relationship. The benefits, whether it be sex or snuggling or just a friend to talk to, are something I see as a friend relationship.

As our conversation ended, I said I want a future with someone to share the little things in life with and talk about my day with which at 34 years old is not out of the ordinary for person (male or female) to desire.if that means I need to kiss (not have sex with) a thousand toads to find my prince then that is what I will do for my forever love. He never responded to what I said but it shows the difference in what people will settle for in their lives. I know what I want and I will never settle for less then that for anyone and neither should you! 

Living with Anxiety

Being a single mom, I know that I have always worried about life, money, my daughter and pretty much everything but recently my worrying went from bad to making life impossible. My anxiety about taking care of things in my life went from worrying thoughts to panic attacks that prevented me from functioning on a daily basis. 

The tightening of my chest.... Struggling to breathe.... Heart racing.... Feeling like I'm going to black out. It is the scariest feeling in the world. After the first time I had one, I thought I could handle them in the future but each one was worst then the last and even the small episodes of heart racing became a reason to not leave the house. How could I live with this everyday? I couldn't so I headed to the doctor's office. I was given Xanax and Paxil which seems to be helping when I get past the side effects of sleeping all the time and feeling nausea. 

I can only hope that this will help me deal with my worrisome thoughts and debilitating panic attacks because this is no way to live.