One Sided Love

Where to begin? So much has happened in the past few months, so many changes for the better. If they are for the better then why do I feel filled with anxiety and fear? In the past few months, I met the man I believe is the man I have waited 35 years to come into my life and fell in love with him. I should be throwing up sunshine and rainbows right? I wish I was right now!

Why am I not throwing up sunshine and rainbows since I have fallen in love with the man of my dreams? One simple answer.... Fear! I am so afraid of getting hurt that it's hard to let myself completely be happy. For almost a whole day I allowed myself to be happy and smile but I was knocked back down real fast. I was reminded that I'm the one in love in this relationship not him. How in the hell did I let this happen?

I have been so good at keeping myself at arms length in past relationships but with this one, I have lost all control of my feelings. This is the scariest thing in the world because how do you allow the relationship continue knowing you are the only one who has these feelings without getting hurt. This is where I am at right now. I know I love him but how much will it hurt if he never loves me back. I've been given the excuse that his actions speak louder than words but it hurts like hell not hearing those 3 little words that I've never told anyone and actually meant it... Until him!

I don't think he realizes how big of a deal he is to be in my life, let alone allowing myself to fall in love with him. It makes me wonder what's wrong with me that no man wants to love me? 

Start of Whole30

The past couple of months, I have been suffering from what I thought IBS problems including dire pains that make me want to just die. I couldn't eat anything out because I was afraid that I wouldn't make it through the meal without having an issue. A friend of mine had talked on her Facebook about doing the Whole30 so I asked some questions and did my research. The Whole30 sounds like the detox my body needs and will help me find my trigger foods.

Whole30 isn't a diet but more of a lifestyle to make you feel better from the inside out. They don't like to be called a diet because a diet is for people looking to lose weight and that is not their goal for Whole30 eaters. Their goal is to have people love their bodies and feel good about their body no matter what weight they are. This was perfect for me!

I read the book, did online research and talked to people in Facebook chat groups about Whole30 and their experiences with it. People that have done it have loved it. Some people go longer, some people do it over again because they lost their way with food and need the reboost. If I lose weight that will be an added bonus but right now I want to look at how I can feel better especially since eating is a necessity and I used to enjoy it.

I went to the grocery store this morning and bought some of the staples like almond butter and coconut flour plus enough fruits and veggies for a week. I am having fun finding recipes on pinterest but this will be a real challenge for me because I cannot consume sugar. Sugar, chocolate especially, is my downfall. When I need a pick me up, I reach for a sugary snack. When its late at night and I can't sleep, I reach for a sugary snack. I have survived a late breakfast/early lunch and snack so far but the real challenge will be tonight.

If you have experienced Whole30 please comment your experience below! I would love to hear from others about this!