Goals aka Becoming an Adult

Everyone makes a joke out "adulting" but I have to say the past couple of weeks this "adulting" or becoming an adult thing has really hit home for me. For the past 10 years I have lived on and off with my parents which any adult, especially with children, is hard as hell because you automatically become a child again. This past year has been a struggle because I became a recluse where I didn't want to go outside of the house for anything. Both depression and anxiety set it in horrible, horrible ways and I just started coming out of it which means I want to become an adult again!

How the hell do I become an adult after all of this closure within my own life and mind? I have let many of my friends fall out of my life. No relationship so no man to share my life with. No goals to live out my life except to get through the current day long enough to go to sleep again. People don't understand what life is like when you suffer from depression or anxiety and forget it when you suffer from both. The anxiety makes you fear everything which then spirals into depression and which then makes you never want to leave the spot you are currently sitting in. This was an ongoing cycle that I couldn't break but I finally took a stand for myself and things have started to change.... I am on my way to becoming an Adult (again!).

So this goals thing that is in my title.... One way that I was able to get my arse off the couch and make my way to becoming an adult was to set myself goals. I have run 2 successful business through this depression and anxiety but I will not lie they suffered big time which means I suffered financial set backs. So first thing was first.... find a job! Found a job waitressing which I have done in the past and loved but worried my neck problems would effect my ability to work. Yes I do have some major pain after my shifts but I love it. Finding this job has helped me recoup my money loss and find my self confidence again. I found out that some of my co-workers suffer from the same anxiety issues that I do which makes me feel not so alone anymore.

Next goal is finding a place to live.... this is in the works but I will keep you all updated on this long, long search
Goal after that one.... buy a new car!
Goal after that.... take a vacation!
Goal to happen at anytime.... find love again!

Becoming an adult isn't easy but it is time for me to grow up and stand up to my depression and anxiety before it eats me alive. If you suffer from one or both of these things just remember you are not alone!

Living with Anxiety

Being a single mom, I know that I have always worried about life, money, my daughter and pretty much everything but recently my worrying went from bad to making life impossible. My anxiety about taking care of things in my life went from worrying thoughts to panic attacks that prevented me from functioning on a daily basis. 

The tightening of my chest.... Struggling to breathe.... Heart racing.... Feeling like I'm going to black out. It is the scariest feeling in the world. After the first time I had one, I thought I could handle them in the future but each one was worst then the last and even the small episodes of heart racing became a reason to not leave the house. How could I live with this everyday? I couldn't so I headed to the doctor's office. I was given Xanax and Paxil which seems to be helping when I get past the side effects of sleeping all the time and feeling nausea. 

I can only hope that this will help me deal with my worrisome thoughts and debilitating panic attacks because this is no way to live. 

How Slow is a Slow Start?

As a Leo woman, I am used to falling for someone to hard and to fast, so dating a Taurus that likes to take things slow is out of my comfort zone. I am not the only Leo woman who is in love with love and the feeling of love more then the person they should love. Jennifer Lopez is the queen of Leo women who love felling love. She has gone through many marriages, engagements and relationships just to feel that amazing feeling of a man adoring you. For my whole dating life, I have been the same way.... Until now!

I have been dating "teacher" for over a month now and have been on dinner dates and sleepover dates but there is no rushing to feel to much because I can't read how he feels.... EVER! Being a Taurus (which is a first time for me), he likes to take thing slow and anazlyze everything. I'm used to the abundance of compliments, texts and feeling like I might be the one. The Teacher has me wondering if he going to answer my text, am I the only one he is dating or at least sleeping with or when will I see him again. Between his busy schedule and mine, our time together has been once every week or sometimes every 2 weeks. 

There is no denying that I crave more of his time and attention and the slow pace does frustrate me at times. There are moments where I feel like this is the right pace for us because I appreciate the time we do have together like when he fell asleep in my arms while watching a girlie movie. All I hope is that I can deal with the slow pace and keep my lioness calm for a while..... Happy Dating!

Misery Isn't Allowed in my Company

 Of 23. 

They say misery loves company which I am living with on a daily basis right now. For as long as I could remember my mother has always been miserable, always complaining and finding the negative in everything just to scream and holler about. There was time in my life, before I had Lily, that I cut my mother out of my life for 2 years. I went through stressful situations including having Lily and becoming a single mom all without her. 

Lily was about a year old when I came back home because I needed help as a single mom and I believed she had changed. That the 2 years of silence had taught her to appreciate her children not take them for granted. Well that lasted until my little brother, who was the favorite, unexpectedly died at a young age of 23. When he died she got worse, she tried to control each of our moves and actions because then she could make the "right" decision for us since she couldn't save my brother from his bad decisions. 

The years of living with her wore me thin until I finally broke 2 years ago. I couldn't take things anymore so I got help in finding an apartment which I struggled with paying rent and eventually got evicted. I moved in with a friend until he ended up in the same situation and I ended up making the worse decision ever....I moved back home. 

I have been back for about a month and each day I wake up more miserable then I did the. Isn't before which I didn't think was possible. Usually, I read positivity books, say affrimations and mediate. Since I have been back here, I have not read or mediate and my positive affrimations have been few and far between because I have started to believe I am this horrible person that doesn't derpserve anything good or to be happy.

Tonight I am making the decision to not give into her misery and negative attitude. I am working hard on my life and keeping happy. Yes money is stressful for s single mom but I have learned to start selling  things I don't need in my life on facebook yard sale pages and networking other ways to sell my products. I am as strong as I feel and today I am strong enough to cut the negative people out of my life even if that includes family!

I Am Just A Girl With Feelings

 I am a girl with feelings which is what makes it so hard for me to date. My weakness is that when I feel something, I tend to fall hard and fast. I never look at the potential for hurt until I start feeling to much for a guy which I then proceed to find a way to make him break things off with me. Maybe it's my wall of insecurities or my own stupid girly ways or both but it's never going to land me the guy of my dreams. 

I go into this insecurity discussion because I am dating someone right now that is know as my Bad Boy... From the outside he is my perfect match! He is full of tattoos, has a beard, rides a bike ( yes totally hot even if I'm scared as hell to get back on a bike!) and is just so sexy to me and is just the ultimate bad boy. From the moment we started talking again, there was an instant connection I couldn't deny. We talked all day everyday for over a week though it felt like months. We talked about everything, even my darkest secrets which even some close friends don't know about me. Everything just felt right....

This is when I ruined my perfect man....

I turned into a girl in the worst possible way, I got jealous of his ex. I knew the situation from day 1 but the closer I got to him, the worse my brain twisted things in my head. I am firm believer that our thoughts create a reality. Well my nightmare of his ex getting close to him came true. He stopped talking to me cause I was flipping out with jealousy and as the mother of his child, his ex came before me. It hurt like hell because I then felt like I was just a fool for feeling something for him, telling him intimate things about myself and believing that when he said he felt the same it was true. His ex got jealous of me.... Which no lie felt good and in turn forced him to set boundaries with her. Problem was he still didn't want me....

Or so I thought! We ended up talking things out and I learned that I need to take a step back from the hot and heavy even if he is indulging my heart with loving things. One of the important things to him is that I don't punish him for what my exes have done in the past. We spent the day together which was amazing but I can still feel things are different. I am just a girl with feelings, it's hard to change my old ways but for him I'm willing to try. 

My Return to Blogging

It has been a year since I last blogged and though I have had thoughts of writing in the past something always came up and I would put it off until another day. There has been a lot of ups and downs in the past year and way to many changes for the bad. The past couple of weeks, I have been working very hard on changing those negative experiences into a positive experience and life.

I am human, I got overwhelmed and pulled into the deep, dark hole of negativity that has surrounded me. With every negative situation, I would get sucked deeper into the self-pity. Self pity is a party of one and not a pretty place to live. Instead of happy, positive affirmations; all I could hear myself saying was "my life is horrible", "I am broke", "  I am a failure", "I am ugly and fat" and many more. How could life be good when I just kept saying those horrible things to myself? I cried myself to sleep more then once and even cried to my friends.

At my lowest point, I figured out that I need to pick myself up and start fixing myself and my life. No more negativity, no more crying and no more pity party for one! I started to read positive books again which gave me ideas of how to incorporate positive affirmations into more of my daily routine. I created a wishboard (which I will be explaining further in a future post) and hung it on the wall across from my bed so every morning that is the first thing I see and read. My next idea was a positivity jar.

The positivity jar is my way of focusing on a daily positive affirmation every day starting in the morning. After hours of research, I printed out tons of affirmations and quotes plus wrote some of my favorites and placed them in an old mason jar. I am placing the jar on my night stand so every morning the first thing I will do is pick an affirmation out of the jar and read it. This is my way to start my day on a positive note from the moment I open my eyes.

I believe in children leading a positive life in a world full of negativity especially school aged children. My Lily is 7 going on 17 and has had issues with self confidence since starting school. She has been picked on because she has to go to special classes for reading help, clothes she wears or that her single mom can't afford to take her places that other kids get to go. My heart has broken for her to go through this at school at such an early age. She is in a new school this year which she loves but I want to help boost her confidence so I started a positivity jar for her as well.

I am excited to see how this added boost of positivity will change our lives. I am going to do this for the next 62 days (until the end of the year) and post the affirmations on my Instagram, Twitter and Facebook pages. Once a week, I will write a post about positivity and update how these changes are making a difference in our lives. I hope this will inspire others to make positive changes in their lives.

Just Keep Going: Inspirational Wednesday

It is hard to believe its Wednesday already, but Lily and I had about 2 weeks of being sick (again) and we are still recovering with a nasty cough. I know its that time of year but it truly stinks when you are so busy that other things in your life suffer but that is when you try to do your best and keep going. If I don't get a scarf made today there is still tomorrow. I don't think anyone is going to cry over a scarf not getting done. I LOVE Sex in the City, especially the quotes, because as a single woman it is inspiring to see women go through things that we all go through at some point or another. Instead of beating ourselves up, looking back at the regrets and things could have changed, sometimes we just need to let go of what could have been and look forward at what will be!

Have a Wonderful Wednesday!

Free Gift Giveaway

I am going to giveaway a free gift with my next 3 Etsy shop sales! This gift will be worth $15 and worth the money you spend in my shop! Visit my shop today!! Click the picture or any of the blue links to be directed to my shop

Bakery On Main Apple Pie Gluten Free Oatmeal

 I have finally found a gluten free oatmeal that I love! After much taste testing and eating products that taste like cardboard (any gluten free eater can relate), Bakery on Main's Apple Pie Oatmeal taste just like it should... wonderful!!! The taste is right on point with a great apple/cinnamon flavor. The texture is consistent with the Gluten filled oatmeal companies, wonderfully smooth. With those other companies, I would have to eat 2 packets at a time but with Bakery on Main I was filled after 1 packet! This is an oatmeal that is well worth its high price ($4.99 at my local Shoprite). I am recommending this for any gluten free eaters this winter to keep warm and stay full!

The "New" Etsy

For a long time, Etsy has stood by its "Buy Handmade" motto with the exception of Vintage and Supplies categories. I have been selling on Etsy for about 6 months and have enjoyed my time. I am at 12 sales and each week there has been more and more sales. During this time I had set up a Handmade Artist Forum, Lilyshop and The Craft Star shops and had only 1 sales between the 3 of them. So those I decided that the fees are not worth it for right now. Though, I am starting to change my mind after reading how Etsy has gone "big business". I loved how Etsy was so focused on the handmade artist and keeping the site loyal to those artists. Now anyone is going to be able to sell on Etsy just like Ebay!  I know that business want to grow and Etsy is a business but at what cost is it worth opening up a unique website to the whole world to sell what they want. I love Etsy and will be keeping my Etsy shop open but I am seriously considering opening up another shop somewhere else and focusing my attention on that shop. Any thoughts on the "new" Etsy?

Start of My Tupperware Adventure

We have all grown up with Tupperware in our house but as I grew up I thought Tupperware no longer existed to buy new products. My mom still has her blue Tupperware canisters from when I was little in her cabinets. In my cabinets are old Tupperware I collected at yard sales through the years. Well my thoughts of only buying Tupperware at a yard sale was corrected this year!

Lily and I began to attend a new church that we have loved since our first day. We have become very close to the women that run the Mission Team as I have always volunteered to help any way we could at church. As I volunteered, I learned more and more about the women who ran these events. One woman had told me how she sells Tupperware and I was quite surprised to hear that. Then I found out that she has been selling Tupperware, very successfully, for 35 years! Over the summer, I had the pleasure of having a booth near her much loved Tupperware booth at the county fair. That week, I learned how much people still love Tupperware!

Last week, Ann and I were talking about how my body was hurting after working my shifts at Michaels and how I was having my doubts about it being worth the little pay I received each week. She then explained to me the benefits of selling Tupperware. The 25% commission for all my personal sales plus bonus commissions when you reach certain money levels and even more when you build a team of consultants. That all sounded great but I had my doubts (that is just who I am). I sold Arbonne a few years ago and it did not go well after my upline was rude to friends that were inquiring about the business. I knew that with Ann, I could trust that experience wouldn't happen again. 

So, I went home and did my research. I had to find a company that wouldn't conflict with my handmade business because that is my first and foremost passion. I have friends that sell Thirty One (love the large utility tote!), Scentsy (addicted to the NEW Cider Mill scent!), Avon, Tastefully Simple and many more direct sale companies. Problem was each somehow conflicted with Red Shoe Affair. That was until my research proved me wrong!

 I looked into what others were saying which was mainly positive (you always have a few bad apples). Having a personalized website was a big sell to me because most of my friends live across the country and world. Now, I had a place where they could reap the benefits of having Tupperware in their home and I could help that with a great experience. 

So I am now hosting my first party this Wednesday and have my website up for anyone who wants to order these amazing products. Please visit it my website to see the vast variety of Tupperware products: Meagan's Tupperware website Also, Like my Facebook Page to keep updated on sales that are constantly changing and new products introduced Meagan's Tupperware Facebook Page

Ruffle Scarves are all the Rage!

When I first started making these ruffle scarves, it was out of a request by a friend last year. At first, I couldn't understand what the directions were saying at all. I come from a traditional crocheter background so what they were saying just didn't make any sense at all. I researched YouTube videos and eventually figured out how to crochet with this ruffle yarn. 

This August, Michaels was having a big sale on the Sashay yarn so I decided to buy up a bunch of the yarn and sell them this fall. Well I can't make these scarves fast enough! Each week I make about 10 to make up for the ones I sell over the previous weekend. The fall colored, black and pink scarves are the ones that sell first and people are amazed at how cute they are. I do have a few for sale in my Etsy Shop if you are interested in buying one instead of making one. Any crocheter/knitters out there doing shows this fall/winter.... make a few of these and they will sell!

Change Your Thoughts: Inspirational Wednesday

When life is getting you down, changing a single thought from negative to positive can change the outlook and outcome of the situation. I truly believe in the power of positive thinking and how its power can change your life for the better. Every situation may not be ideal but if you can see the positive in it then you will feel better about yourself and your life. Try to change one thought into a positive one today and tell me how you feel?

Single for the Rest Of My Life

Sometimes, I sit here and wonder if I am going to be single for the rest of my life. Have I become to comfortable with being alone that adding a significant other just won't fit into my lifestyle?

Trying the online dating thing was fun at first but lately it has become annoying each time I hear the ring go off on my phone. The guys are just not the right type for me. This has made me realize what I do want in a boyfriend which is a blessing because 10 years ago I would have dated all these guys. I want someone that fits me but it feels like that guy is out there. Maybe my timing just isn't right yet or I just love not answering to someone else. Until the right guy shows up, I am happy to say that I love being single and doing my own thing. Every woman needs that period in their life!

Facing Your Fears

Everyone fears something whether its bugs, darkness, airplanes, relationships (me) or anything else in life. There comes a point in your life where you must face those fears and conquer them. This time might be one that you choose or one that you are forced into but either way after you conquer that fear you come out a stronger person. You are not alone in facing your fears, everyday someone faces a fear but the difference can be whether we run from the fear or conquer it! Don't hide from your fear, Go out there and conquer them!

Calling Out Sick to Myself

 Mommy sick days... they just aren't allowed especially if your are a single mom! This past week I have been battling a head cold and sinus infection with a headache that won't go away. First and Foremost, I am a mom so I act like I am perfectly healthy for Lily's sake. (She didn't realize that I was going to bed when she was going to bed) It was a week of watching movies and relaxing so that I could try to rest as much as I could when she got home from school. While she was in school, I tried to do what I could but that drained me quickly. I would crochet for a half hour then sleep for 2 hours. Let's just say I didn't get much done this past week. 

I was talking to a friend about cancelling plans because I was sick and he said to me "at least you didn't have to call out of work". Yes, I did call out of work! I might not have to drive to my work but I didn't have to suffer the lose of time and money that could have been made because I was sick. With this job, I don't get paid sick time or answer to a boss that is going to bite my head off. No, I answer to myself and my finances and trust me I am harder on myself then anyone else could ever be! Getting sick was not something I planned but I take more of a hit from not being able to be on the computer or create something then a "9-5" job with paid sick days. Mommy's do get sick and we just have to brush ourselves off and pretend nothing is wrong. Lily knew I wasn't feeling good but I did everything I could to make her week as normal as possible because that is what Mommies do... sick or healthy!

My Great Etsy Shop Debate

Are to many items in an Etsy Shop to much? That is my great debate with my shop right now. I have the one shop that has everything from my all natural body products, upcycled aprons and bags, vintage books, supplies that I have been given but will never use and now add in all my crocket/knit winter items.... wow that is a lot. Before I add in all the winter warmth items, I am at over 300 for sale items and that isn't all of the aprons and bags! So my am in the thought process of creating a 2nd shop for vintage/supplies and maybe the upcycled items to help cut down on the high numbers in one shop. I get tons of views everyday but I am thinking they are overwhelmed by the large amount of items to sort through that they buy from another shop. Any thoughts from other shop owners?

*click the picture to check out my shop 

Never Go To Sleep Angry

 One year ago to the day, I learned a very hard lesson... Never Go To Sleep Angry and Fighting with someone you love. Last year someone I loved very much lost their life in a motorcycle accident and our last words were not ones I thought I would regret forever. This someone was my ex-boyfriend. Though we were broken up at the time of his death, the bond between us was a special one. I loved him with all my heart but I couldn't handle his addiction to alcohol and the person he became when he drank. A week before his death, we were in a wedding party together and the day after he had been drinking so much that we fought (like usual for us). I had asked him to stay out of my life and never contacted me again (something that was normally said and broken a couple weeks later. Well we never got the chance to brake that and talk again because the next time I saw him was his funeral. I have been to way to many funerals in my short life but the only time I have cried is at this one and the one I will write about next week. September is a hard month for me but I will go knowing that "DE" will always be in my heart and to never say anything you may regret in a month, week, day or even an hour. You never know how life will change so live each moment to the fullest and never walk away angry!

Happy Friday the 13th

I don't know if any of you are superstitious but I will admit... I am a little bit. I thought I would share these fun/cute Friday the 13th images with you! Go about your Friday with caution..... bwhahaha!

9/11 Always in our Hearts

As we go about our day today, Americans need to take a moment to stop and remember this 12th anniversary of a tragic day. Living so close to NYC, DC and Pennsylvania, I felt and saw the pain people went through as they searched and lost loved ones. To this day, it feels like just yesterday that I was watching Good Morning America and witnessed the 2nd plane crash right behind their heads on live television. It may have been 12 years ago but to those who lost a loved one, this day is a yesterday to them. Never Forgotten and Always in our Hearts!