Goals aka Becoming an Adult

Everyone makes a joke out "adulting" but I have to say the past couple of weeks this "adulting" or becoming an adult thing has really hit home for me. For the past 10 years I have lived on and off with my parents which any adult, especially with children, is hard as hell because you automatically become a child again. This past year has been a struggle because I became a recluse where I didn't want to go outside of the house for anything. Both depression and anxiety set it in horrible, horrible ways and I just started coming out of it which means I want to become an adult again!

How the hell do I become an adult after all of this closure within my own life and mind? I have let many of my friends fall out of my life. No relationship so no man to share my life with. No goals to live out my life except to get through the current day long enough to go to sleep again. People don't understand what life is like when you suffer from depression or anxiety and forget it when you suffer from both. The anxiety makes you fear everything which then spirals into depression and which then makes you never want to leave the spot you are currently sitting in. This was an ongoing cycle that I couldn't break but I finally took a stand for myself and things have started to change.... I am on my way to becoming an Adult (again!).

So this goals thing that is in my title.... One way that I was able to get my arse off the couch and make my way to becoming an adult was to set myself goals. I have run 2 successful business through this depression and anxiety but I will not lie they suffered big time which means I suffered financial set backs. So first thing was first.... find a job! Found a job waitressing which I have done in the past and loved but worried my neck problems would effect my ability to work. Yes I do have some major pain after my shifts but I love it. Finding this job has helped me recoup my money loss and find my self confidence again. I found out that some of my co-workers suffer from the same anxiety issues that I do which makes me feel not so alone anymore.

Next goal is finding a place to live.... this is in the works but I will keep you all updated on this long, long search
Goal after that one.... buy a new car!
Goal after that.... take a vacation!
Goal to happen at anytime.... find love again!

Becoming an adult isn't easy but it is time for me to grow up and stand up to my depression and anxiety before it eats me alive. If you suffer from one or both of these things just remember you are not alone!

Try Try Again

So I didn't make it through the first day of Whole 30! Around midnight on day one, I just couldn't fight the urge to eat something sugary. My hands were shaking, I couldn't sleep and the taste of just one Samoa Girl Scout cookie was to much for me. So I dug around to find my stash of Girl Scout cookies and ate just 1 cookie. Then I ate a Cadbury egg! Yikes I know!

I know that not every diet or way of life is for everyone so Whole30 might not be for me or at least right now. This experience did teach me not to quit though. I bought all the ingredients for a good salad and to eat healthy so I need to focus on the healthy eating aspect of my food habits. Yes cutting out all cookies or candy would be for the best but right now I need to learn the art of self control and limiting the amount of junk food I eat. Last night, I ate the same "bad foods" but not the other junk food that I craved all day.

What I am learning to do is replace some of the bad cravings with decent snacks like nuts or dried cranberries. I might not be able to go cold turkey with sugar but I can limit myself and keep trying to live healthier every day. Remember you are not alone in the struggle against food. Yes eating junk is cheaper and easier but your body will feel better when you get a special treat instead of eating it all day everyday.

Have you found Passion?

The past few weeks I have been struggling with passion because I feel no real passion in my life. This has caused me to doubt my decisions, my life and my future. Many people know that I run 3 businesses: my handmade business, my tea business and my makeup business. I love each of these in very unique ways because each bring happiness into my life in their each, individual ways.

After coming back from a day trip in New York City, I missed the excitement of city life. I grew up in the country but always felt at home being in the city and around other people. My life right now is very secluded and lonely which contributes to my depression and unhappiness in my current life. I love selling tea and I have built a very nice team of tea lovers. My customers love my individual customer service and perks that I offer to them. I look at tea as making inside of my body beautiful while my makeup business makes the outside of my body beautiful.

The past week, things have occurred with the makeup company that have made me doubt if this company is the right fit for me. To start, I noticed that my upline and the rest of the team she built started sharing products from a competing makeup company. Then I realized that the whole team went and joined this company. So how does one feel when someone who sponsored you and supposed to be your support in this business leaves for a competing company? That is where the doubts started....

Then I was following a Facebook friend who was posting about her concerns over fellow consultants of the makeup business not being very welcoming to her because she runs more then one business including a skincare, pampering company which she has had much success in running before joining the makeup company. She shared her unhappiness of the way these consultants treated her. Well not even a day later, a consultant contact the makeup company's compliance department and reported this girl for selling for the skincare company (which doesn't sell any makeup). The makeup company made her decide us or them. Well she made the right decision and left the makeup company just 3 days after joining! This made my thoughts wonder because the the tea company selling tea infused soap aka skincare so will someone report me and make me choose??

Today, a friend of mine and fellow makeup consultant brought a post in our elite group that put down the consultants that run more then one business and my upline agreed with her. That was basically the nail in the coffin of doubts for me. I know that each of my business' contribute to my passion, my passion for life, my passion for art, my passion for beauty, my passion for the things I love. I know where I want to go in my life, that I want people that are willing to support me by my side and I will not allow the negativity to invade me life any longer.

My passion is for art and beauty in the life that surrounds all of us everyday. I see the world as art and I want to make the world a beautiful work of art with my passion.

The Daily Anxiety Struggle

My heart starts racing, my body temperature rises and my mind is racing. Then, I struggle to catch my breath and I can't get control of my own body. This is the struggle I go through multiple times everyday but people around me don't see my struggle as something real. I am told that I just need to get my emotions under control or just calm myself down. If it was really that easy....

How does one just calm down? This is not a fight with someone that you calm down afterwards or getting angry and then calming down. No! This is a fight within myself. A fight with my body and my mind at the same time because my mind thinks that something is wrong so it tells my body to react like something is wrong when in reality nothing could be wrong or I am stuck worrying about something I have no control over.

So much of my life I want to control so when I feel like I am losing that control then the anxiety kicks into full gear. There are times when I have one long, day long anxiety attack that keeps me from being able to function at all but to the outside world I am just lazy. The difficulty breathing just means I need to taking a few breaths and do what I need to do. The heart racing just means I need to think about something else and the racing will go away. The mind racing just means I need to clear my mind of my thoughts and I will be ok.

Until you have lived with anxiety on the daily level, you can never truly understand what is going on with someone with anxiety. Each day is a struggle and medication does not always work. Things that have worked for me is journal writing, meditation and yoga (when I can find quiet time in my life) and drinking herbal teas that encourage calming effects. I hope one day I will find a way to cope with my anxiety better until that day I will fight a good fight and keep my chin up.

Walking into a Wall

"I love it when I go to the doctor's office and they tell me how I need to lower my stress level.... I am a single mom so there is no lowering my stress level right now." 

This has been the mind set I have had since my daughter was a baby and I went to the doctor for anxiety and depression. Here I was raising this baby who from the time she was born was awake every 2-3 hours until she was about 4 years old. As a toddler, all she wanted was Mommy to comfort her like when she was a baby and even going on 9 she does this on occasion still. 

I thought that as she would get older things aka life would get easier but it hasn't at all. If anything things became more stressful because instead of paying for diapers and formula now I was paying for dance lessons, recital fees, new dance shoes, clothes that got more expensive and the toys and gadgets that she wants. At 8 years old, I try to teach her the value of the dollar and how money doesn't grow on trees but then she sees her friends get all the things that she doesn't and feel left out which makes me feel like an epic fail of a mother. What parent doesn't want to give their child everything they desire and the memories that they will tell their grandchildren??

This is where I feel like I am walking into a wall because as much as I try to increase my income, it doesn't seem to be enough. I am a creative person at hear and a sales person by nature. I love to create and sell my products along with my other 2 sales business' but the only way I know how to expand requires the one thing I don't have.... a new, reliable car!

Before you go on to give me suggestions... my credit is in the dumps so no leasing a car, no I will not allow someone to co-sign for me and feel burdened to someone else, getting a "job" is outta the question due to not having transportation to get to said "job" and no I don't live in area that provides public transportation (you look out my window and all you see is trees and farmland). 

So there is my wall.... I feel like I cannot further my life the way it is but see no way of getting ahead. On a bright note..... I am grateful for the income that I do have, my loving, loyal customers and the business' that keep me afloat everyday. 

Celebrate Being Single

Valentines Day is all about love and couples so for the single ladies, we can feel very left out. Now it's not that I didn't want a Valentine or a boyfriend but this year I chose to love myself more then be miserable with the wrong person. 

Good ole Facebook reminded me of my poor love choices and the love I lost (aka the bad boy) with the new memories feature which stung for a minute. At least I was strong enough to keep the tears at bay while I scrolled through the good and bad memories like the year I was broken up with on Valentines Day. I'm not sure which is worse being broken up with on Valentine's Day, the day of love or My Birthday, the day to celebrate my life. 

My daughter and mother gave me Valentines candy but it's not enough to wallow in my sorrows of being single on the day of love as I watch everyone else get married or engaged on Valentines Day. Thanks again Facebook! So today I am making an investment into my own happiness and buying the leftover, discounted Valetines candy! Let's celebrate being single by eating chocolate and being merry! 

Bah Humbug Club

It's the time of year that people are supposed to feel more love in their heart then any other time of year... So why am I living the spirit of Bah Humbug? As a single mom, I feel more stressed out around Christmas time then ever and it seems to get worse every year. Danyella gets older and wants more things and those things get more expensive. I would love to cancel Christmas gifts and spend the money on the car I need to buy but the rest of my family doesn't agree with my theory of getting back to the true spirit of Christmas. 

Christmas is t supposed to be about what we get but what we give to others. I have tried to instill this as I raise Danyella but the world we live in is all about me me me. All Danyella really cares about is whether Santa is coming to give her the iPod she wants or the doll she wants or the other things on her list. I would rather have her buy gifts for other kids that need clothes or something special for Christmas and get away from the I want, I want, I want attitude. 

With the lack of Christmas spirit makes me not want to do any of our Christmas traditions like watching  Chrsitmas specials.... Doesn't help that TV has ruined how special these movies and shows are by running them on a loop everyday so now it's just another show. I used to love baking Christmas cookies but really could care less about baking them this year. Singing Christmas carols... Bah humbug. Driving around and looking at decorated houses.... Bah humbug. Even buying gifts for yo there... Bah humbug! 

I am not sure anything will change this attitude of mine before Christmas morning but until bedtime on December 25th, I will be putting on the fake smile and pretending (as much as I can act my ass off) that I am enjoying Christmas this year. Who else is joining me in the Bah Humbug club??

Leave the past in the past

So I decided to make Monday blogs.... My Love Life Monday or lack of love life! If you have read any of my past blog posts, you will know that my love life has been an up and down roller coaster. In my time of opening my heart to others, I have fallen in love, had my heart broken, married, divorced and dated myself. Love is not easy but it can be fun.... Or so I am told!

If I truly want to admit to myself about whom I have loved, it really has only been one. There are times where I mistaken feelings of lust for love but hind sight being 20/20, I now can see that those feelings were never actually love. Some of those feelings were my own desperation to want to love and be loved which ended in disaster. Never, ever push love because neither of you will ever be happy. 

So my post today is about leaving the past in the past... Meaning your ex or my exes at least. Almost 4 years ago, I met and fell in love with the man who still has my heart. Let's call him "Adam" since he looks like my #1 celeb crush Sdam Levine.  It ended badly the first time and it took me 3 years to date anyone seriously again. Don't get me wrong, I went on dates or would have "fun" with a guy (a girl has needs too) but I couldn't get past a few dates because I would find flaws in them. 

Then last January I met someone (let's call him Brown) I thought I could get serious despite the flaws that jumped at me, shouted at me and basically slapped me in the face. We dated and ended then he tried to apologize and try again. I thought about until I heard from Adam.... I was back in that whirlwind of love and with every call, every moment we spent together my heart fell harder and deeper. Until my birthday when it all ended and I have been broken hearted since that day.

During my 2 attempt with Adam, Brown tried to get back with me but nothing and no one could tear me from the love I felt in those months. After the breakup with Adam, Brown has come in and out of my life but has a hard time staying consistent. That is fatal flaw to me... If you can't find the time to take a couple of seconds to just text me then why should I put the effort out to create a life with you. 

After the heartbreak of Adam and the inconsistency of Brown, I have learned to keep the past in the past because when there are flaws it's rare someone will change to fix those flaws. Be happy for yourself not to be with someone. 

Dance and Networking

As a homeschooling mom, I don't have much interaction with other parents which can be hard when you work in a networking marketing business. The one thing Danyella loves is her dance classes twice a week and those classes has helped me expand my networking market.

In a normal situation, I am extremely shy so I have learned to bring yarn and hook with my everywhere which strikes up a conversation with anyone and everyone. Most people want to know what I am creating, some people want to know how I learned how to crochet or knit (most people have nomidea there is a major difference between the two) at such a young age (I look like I'm in my twenties which feels nice at 34) and they all want to know if sell or take custom orders. 

After our initial crochet talk which has brought in orders, I talk about how I run 2 other businesses that bring together all 3 of my loves... Handmade, tea and makeup! I started bringing in samples of tea for my fellow tea lovers and gained sales for the holidays. Almost every class I would wear my amazing mascara, create a beautiful eye look and make my lips shine! The other dance moms and teachers would notice and compliment me. So for Christmas presents, the dance teachers were given Younqiue eye pigment, liner and lip gloss. My belief, like the tea samples, is that once someone tries something they will fall in love with it and so will their friends and loved ones. 

Networking isn't something that comes overnight but the way you create relationships over time. The person who may not be interested now could be the person who becomes your biggest customer or most successful team member in the future! Create those relationships with people you see all the tIme because those are the relationships that bring you success in the future! 

Where has the time gone?

 

Each morning I wake up with this feeling of excitement that it is a new day. I am determined to get so much accomplished and check off everything on my to-do list! As I create my list, I think that I will get everyone of these done and it will be so easy. I set off to start my day and then turn around to look at the clock... Oh crap it's dinner time! Who else has had days, weeks, months or even years like this?

This has been a daily occurrence for months for me. I wake up with the right mind set of creating a successful, accomplished day then before I know it.... The day is over and my list has barely been touched!

Being December, my days are filled with making socks and hats for customers, homeschooling Danyella, placing orders for tea and makeup customers, ordering presents online, fighting with companies over lost packages (another post soon to come), and trying to find time to eat and sleep. One day soon I will clean and organize my product stock, my room, Danyella's toys and find my brain in this mess. One day soon I will read the book I checked out of the library that I really want to read. One day soon will be 2016 and busy season will be over and I will have a tiny part of my day back and I will accomplish my to-do list! My goal for 2016 is working on time management! 

Never Regret Your Past

Everyone grows from the situations they have experienced in life and I am no different from the rest. To say life has been a struggle is putting it mildly, to say the least. A single mom with health issues is a struggle all on its own then add other people into the mix and life becomes complicated, messy and drama filled (not all my own but I have been a contributing factor in some of the drama). 

I have lived with anger, guilt and regret (nearly daily) for over 20 years now. I am not putting my age out there but let's just say the anger started as a child.... (You can guess my age now). How could I not be angry? The girls who were Daddy's Little Girl would make me green with envy because my own father had nothing to do with me. As I have grown and experienced one to many failed relationships and a failed marriage, I have learned that my anger towards my father has sculpted my actions in my relationships (romantic or otherwise but mainly romantic). In each relationship, I waited for them to leave me like my father did and one by one they did. Some were nicer about leaving then others but each have taught me a lesson or two about what I want (or don't want) in a relationship.

Lessons help us grow as a person and as a soul. The anger I have lived with for so many years would creep up with each man and eventually they would leave and I was left angrier then I was before them. Was it their fault? I'm not saying I dated the best men.....they each had/have their own issues to deal with but why be angry with them when they see what I needed at the time. I had a need for them to treat me like they did to fulfill my own anger filled self-prophecy.... I am not worthy of Love. 

It's not their fault I felt like this but it's my fault for letting it happen. With the anger I felt from my father, as a child, as an adult I projected it onto people that were incapable of loving me. I will always be grateful for the good times and memories I had with them but I finally got to a point where I can let go of the anger I feel towards them. As for my father and myself.... That's a work in progress so stay tuned! 

Kissing Some Toads

                      

 A few days ago, I was having a conversation with someone that I have somewhat dated on and off for the past 4 years about why I am always dating others guys. The simplest way I could put it was I need to kiss a lot of toads to find my prince. That's right now frogs but ugly, warty toads because after we breakup that's what my exes look like to me from the way they treated me. I mean seriously, what break up is a clean, non emotional breakup?? If you say you have had one then you are lying to me and more importantly yourself!

In any breakup, someone gets hurts, feels bitter and wants to seek revenge. Ok, ok that last part might just be me but like the saying goes "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned"! 

Back to the original conversation, "Larry" and I have been on and off dating for 4 years because he has commitment issues (sorry if you read this but unfortunately the truth hurts). As I have been off dating, fell in love with someone, had my heart broken, dated more toads, fell in love with same person again (subject of another blog) and was broken up with on my Birthday a few weeks ago (did you keep up with all of that??), Larry felt like we have been kinda dating this whole time!!

This dating, as he sees it, consisted of occasional texts or phone calls usually around holidays or birthdays (when single people feel the loneliness) and attempting to have 4 dates a year. This dating, to me, is more of a friends with benefits (yes we would have sex on occasion and yes it was good) relationship. The benefits, whether it be sex or snuggling or just a friend to talk to, are something I see as a friend relationship.

As our conversation ended, I said I want a future with someone to share the little things in life with and talk about my day with which at 34 years old is not out of the ordinary for person (male or female) to desire.if that means I need to kiss (not have sex with) a thousand toads to find my prince then that is what I will do for my forever love. He never responded to what I said but it shows the difference in what people will settle for in their lives. I know what I want and I will never settle for less then that for anyone and neither should you! 

Living with Anxiety

Being a single mom, I know that I have always worried about life, money, my daughter and pretty much everything but recently my worrying went from bad to making life impossible. My anxiety about taking care of things in my life went from worrying thoughts to panic attacks that prevented me from functioning on a daily basis. 

The tightening of my chest.... Struggling to breathe.... Heart racing.... Feeling like I'm going to black out. It is the scariest feeling in the world. After the first time I had one, I thought I could handle them in the future but each one was worst then the last and even the small episodes of heart racing became a reason to not leave the house. How could I live with this everyday? I couldn't so I headed to the doctor's office. I was given Xanax and Paxil which seems to be helping when I get past the side effects of sleeping all the time and feeling nausea. 

I can only hope that this will help me deal with my worrisome thoughts and debilitating panic attacks because this is no way to live. 

How Slow is a Slow Start?

As a Leo woman, I am used to falling for someone to hard and to fast, so dating a Taurus that likes to take things slow is out of my comfort zone. I am not the only Leo woman who is in love with love and the feeling of love more then the person they should love. Jennifer Lopez is the queen of Leo women who love felling love. She has gone through many marriages, engagements and relationships just to feel that amazing feeling of a man adoring you. For my whole dating life, I have been the same way.... Until now!

I have been dating "teacher" for over a month now and have been on dinner dates and sleepover dates but there is no rushing to feel to much because I can't read how he feels.... EVER! Being a Taurus (which is a first time for me), he likes to take thing slow and anazlyze everything. I'm used to the abundance of compliments, texts and feeling like I might be the one. The Teacher has me wondering if he going to answer my text, am I the only one he is dating or at least sleeping with or when will I see him again. Between his busy schedule and mine, our time together has been once every week or sometimes every 2 weeks. 

There is no denying that I crave more of his time and attention and the slow pace does frustrate me at times. There are moments where I feel like this is the right pace for us because I appreciate the time we do have together like when he fell asleep in my arms while watching a girlie movie. All I hope is that I can deal with the slow pace and keep my lioness calm for a while..... Happy Dating!

Misery Isn't Allowed in my Company

 Of 23. 

They say misery loves company which I am living with on a daily basis right now. For as long as I could remember my mother has always been miserable, always complaining and finding the negative in everything just to scream and holler about. There was time in my life, before I had Lily, that I cut my mother out of my life for 2 years. I went through stressful situations including having Lily and becoming a single mom all without her. 

Lily was about a year old when I came back home because I needed help as a single mom and I believed she had changed. That the 2 years of silence had taught her to appreciate her children not take them for granted. Well that lasted until my little brother, who was the favorite, unexpectedly died at a young age of 23. When he died she got worse, she tried to control each of our moves and actions because then she could make the "right" decision for us since she couldn't save my brother from his bad decisions. 

The years of living with her wore me thin until I finally broke 2 years ago. I couldn't take things anymore so I got help in finding an apartment which I struggled with paying rent and eventually got evicted. I moved in with a friend until he ended up in the same situation and I ended up making the worse decision ever....I moved back home. 

I have been back for about a month and each day I wake up more miserable then I did the. Isn't before which I didn't think was possible. Usually, I read positivity books, say affrimations and mediate. Since I have been back here, I have not read or mediate and my positive affrimations have been few and far between because I have started to believe I am this horrible person that doesn't derpserve anything good or to be happy.

Tonight I am making the decision to not give into her misery and negative attitude. I am working hard on my life and keeping happy. Yes money is stressful for s single mom but I have learned to start selling  things I don't need in my life on facebook yard sale pages and networking other ways to sell my products. I am as strong as I feel and today I am strong enough to cut the negative people out of my life even if that includes family!

I Am Just A Girl With Feelings

 I am a girl with feelings which is what makes it so hard for me to date. My weakness is that when I feel something, I tend to fall hard and fast. I never look at the potential for hurt until I start feeling to much for a guy which I then proceed to find a way to make him break things off with me. Maybe it's my wall of insecurities or my own stupid girly ways or both but it's never going to land me the guy of my dreams. 

I go into this insecurity discussion because I am dating someone right now that is know as my Bad Boy... From the outside he is my perfect match! He is full of tattoos, has a beard, rides a bike ( yes totally hot even if I'm scared as hell to get back on a bike!) and is just so sexy to me and is just the ultimate bad boy. From the moment we started talking again, there was an instant connection I couldn't deny. We talked all day everyday for over a week though it felt like months. We talked about everything, even my darkest secrets which even some close friends don't know about me. Everything just felt right....

This is when I ruined my perfect man....

I turned into a girl in the worst possible way, I got jealous of his ex. I knew the situation from day 1 but the closer I got to him, the worse my brain twisted things in my head. I am firm believer that our thoughts create a reality. Well my nightmare of his ex getting close to him came true. He stopped talking to me cause I was flipping out with jealousy and as the mother of his child, his ex came before me. It hurt like hell because I then felt like I was just a fool for feeling something for him, telling him intimate things about myself and believing that when he said he felt the same it was true. His ex got jealous of me.... Which no lie felt good and in turn forced him to set boundaries with her. Problem was he still didn't want me....

Or so I thought! We ended up talking things out and I learned that I need to take a step back from the hot and heavy even if he is indulging my heart with loving things. One of the important things to him is that I don't punish him for what my exes have done in the past. We spent the day together which was amazing but I can still feel things are different. I am just a girl with feelings, it's hard to change my old ways but for him I'm willing to try. 

Single for the Rest Of My Life

Sometimes, I sit here and wonder if I am going to be single for the rest of my life. Have I become to comfortable with being alone that adding a significant other just won't fit into my lifestyle?

Trying the online dating thing was fun at first but lately it has become annoying each time I hear the ring go off on my phone. The guys are just not the right type for me. This has made me realize what I do want in a boyfriend which is a blessing because 10 years ago I would have dated all these guys. I want someone that fits me but it feels like that guy is out there. Maybe my timing just isn't right yet or I just love not answering to someone else. Until the right guy shows up, I am happy to say that I love being single and doing my own thing. Every woman needs that period in their life!

Single Mommy Plays Daddy Too

As I set out to fight my ex in court, I found this prayer today that I think is fitting for every single parent. My ex thinks that paying $146/month is to much for him because getting a job at Walmart is beneath him so he lives from job to job as a self-employed construction worker. I was so lividly mad when I got the court papers yesterday but today I am putting it in perspective. 

I am the one that is mommy and daddy for my daughter. I have taken care of her by myself since day one and I wouldn't change that for the world. All the kisses and hugs were mine to cherish and keep while he sits at his house alone and miserable. Having Lily motivates me to work a little harder to make sure she has what she needs in her life. She has a roof over her head, good food in her belly, clothes on her body, toys to play with and a mommy that loves her enough for 2 people. She has her moments of asking about "Daddy" but she will always know that it has been mommy that loves her and takes care of her. 

Moments maybe feel awful, negative and even vengeful but they are moments. We all have the choice to make the next moment a happy, loving one. Go have some happy moments today!

When Being Strong is All You Have

As a full-time single mom, I know that I have had great days and bad days but through it all my strength has grown leaps and bounds since I gave birth to Lily. I have endured the hard times with tears and heartache and reveled in the good times with smiles and laughter. Each year I hope that things will get a little bit easier and there are moments that do but each moment is worth the time I get to spend with my precious little girl.  For other single mothers out there, keep doing the amazing job you are doing because your raising awesome children that will grow up to appreciate everything that you did for them as a child!

When It Rains.... It Pours!

Have you ever felt like when one bad thing happens, all of a sudden, many bad things happen at once? That has been me the past month. After trying to keep up with blogging everyday, I just couldn't do it any more because I was under so much stress.

After getting my wisdom teeth pulled last month, I ended up with an infection and on a high dose of antibiotics which seriously knocked me. The last time I felt that bad was when I was on antibiotics for Lyme's disease 3 years ago and it is not fun! 

In the meantime, I had to prepare for the local farmer's fair which I would have a booth for 8 days. I sewed aprons and bags day and night (when I had the energy which wasn't very often). I took inventory of everything that I was taking with me so that I could fill up my booth and make it look pretty. The fair came and so did the rain. The 2nd day of the fair my booth ended up with +6" of water underneath. Then the building's roof leaked and it started raining on top of the soaps. So we moved my booth to a drier location but the rain kept coming and people were staying home. The fair ended in sunshine but didn't make up for many days lost to rain. 

The last day of the fair and the day before my birthday, exhausted and ready for bed, I checked my mail and received my eviction notice. They want more money then I have before August 23rd or I have to move out. Well unless a miracle happens, we will be trying to find a place to live in the next couple of weeks. 

I can look at the upside, during the fair I made new friends and contacts for other vendor shows. On moving, I wanted my daughter in a different school system because she was not excelling the way she was at her old school. I love being creative and I would not change that for the world!

There is always sunshine after the rain!