Never Regret Your Past

Everyone grows from the situations they have experienced in life and I am no different from the rest. To say life has been a struggle is putting it mildly, to say the least. A single mom with health issues is a struggle all on its own then add other people into the mix and life becomes complicated, messy and drama filled (not all my own but I have been a contributing factor in some of the drama). 

I have lived with anger, guilt and regret (nearly daily) for over 20 years now. I am not putting my age out there but let's just say the anger started as a child.... (You can guess my age now). How could I not be angry? The girls who were Daddy's Little Girl would make me green with envy because my own father had nothing to do with me. As I have grown and experienced one to many failed relationships and a failed marriage, I have learned that my anger towards my father has sculpted my actions in my relationships (romantic or otherwise but mainly romantic). In each relationship, I waited for them to leave me like my father did and one by one they did. Some were nicer about leaving then others but each have taught me a lesson or two about what I want (or don't want) in a relationship.

Lessons help us grow as a person and as a soul. The anger I have lived with for so many years would creep up with each man and eventually they would leave and I was left angrier then I was before them. Was it their fault? I'm not saying I dated the best men.....they each had/have their own issues to deal with but why be angry with them when they see what I needed at the time. I had a need for them to treat me like they did to fulfill my own anger filled self-prophecy.... I am not worthy of Love. 

It's not their fault I felt like this but it's my fault for letting it happen. With the anger I felt from my father, as a child, as an adult I projected it onto people that were incapable of loving me. I will always be grateful for the good times and memories I had with them but I finally got to a point where I can let go of the anger I feel towards them. As for my father and myself.... That's a work in progress so stay tuned! 

Just Keep Going: Inspirational Wednesday

It is hard to believe its Wednesday already, but Lily and I had about 2 weeks of being sick (again) and we are still recovering with a nasty cough. I know its that time of year but it truly stinks when you are so busy that other things in your life suffer but that is when you try to do your best and keep going. If I don't get a scarf made today there is still tomorrow. I don't think anyone is going to cry over a scarf not getting done. I LOVE Sex in the City, especially the quotes, because as a single woman it is inspiring to see women go through things that we all go through at some point or another. Instead of beating ourselves up, looking back at the regrets and things could have changed, sometimes we just need to let go of what could have been and look forward at what will be!

Have a Wonderful Wednesday!

Never Go To Sleep Angry

 One year ago to the day, I learned a very hard lesson... Never Go To Sleep Angry and Fighting with someone you love. Last year someone I loved very much lost their life in a motorcycle accident and our last words were not ones I thought I would regret forever. This someone was my ex-boyfriend. Though we were broken up at the time of his death, the bond between us was a special one. I loved him with all my heart but I couldn't handle his addiction to alcohol and the person he became when he drank. A week before his death, we were in a wedding party together and the day after he had been drinking so much that we fought (like usual for us). I had asked him to stay out of my life and never contacted me again (something that was normally said and broken a couple weeks later. Well we never got the chance to brake that and talk again because the next time I saw him was his funeral. I have been to way to many funerals in my short life but the only time I have cried is at this one and the one I will write about next week. September is a hard month for me but I will go knowing that "DE" will always be in my heart and to never say anything you may regret in a month, week, day or even an hour. You never know how life will change so live each moment to the fullest and never walk away angry!