Start of Whole30

The past couple of months, I have been suffering from what I thought IBS problems including dire pains that make me want to just die. I couldn't eat anything out because I was afraid that I wouldn't make it through the meal without having an issue. A friend of mine had talked on her Facebook about doing the Whole30 so I asked some questions and did my research. The Whole30 sounds like the detox my body needs and will help me find my trigger foods.

Whole30 isn't a diet but more of a lifestyle to make you feel better from the inside out. They don't like to be called a diet because a diet is for people looking to lose weight and that is not their goal for Whole30 eaters. Their goal is to have people love their bodies and feel good about their body no matter what weight they are. This was perfect for me!

I read the book, did online research and talked to people in Facebook chat groups about Whole30 and their experiences with it. People that have done it have loved it. Some people go longer, some people do it over again because they lost their way with food and need the reboost. If I lose weight that will be an added bonus but right now I want to look at how I can feel better especially since eating is a necessity and I used to enjoy it.

I went to the grocery store this morning and bought some of the staples like almond butter and coconut flour plus enough fruits and veggies for a week. I am having fun finding recipes on pinterest but this will be a real challenge for me because I cannot consume sugar. Sugar, chocolate especially, is my downfall. When I need a pick me up, I reach for a sugary snack. When its late at night and I can't sleep, I reach for a sugary snack. I have survived a late breakfast/early lunch and snack so far but the real challenge will be tonight.

If you have experienced Whole30 please comment your experience below! I would love to hear from others about this!

The Daily Anxiety Struggle

My heart starts racing, my body temperature rises and my mind is racing. Then, I struggle to catch my breath and I can't get control of my own body. This is the struggle I go through multiple times everyday but people around me don't see my struggle as something real. I am told that I just need to get my emotions under control or just calm myself down. If it was really that easy....

How does one just calm down? This is not a fight with someone that you calm down afterwards or getting angry and then calming down. No! This is a fight within myself. A fight with my body and my mind at the same time because my mind thinks that something is wrong so it tells my body to react like something is wrong when in reality nothing could be wrong or I am stuck worrying about something I have no control over.

So much of my life I want to control so when I feel like I am losing that control then the anxiety kicks into full gear. There are times when I have one long, day long anxiety attack that keeps me from being able to function at all but to the outside world I am just lazy. The difficulty breathing just means I need to taking a few breaths and do what I need to do. The heart racing just means I need to think about something else and the racing will go away. The mind racing just means I need to clear my mind of my thoughts and I will be ok.

Until you have lived with anxiety on the daily level, you can never truly understand what is going on with someone with anxiety. Each day is a struggle and medication does not always work. Things that have worked for me is journal writing, meditation and yoga (when I can find quiet time in my life) and drinking herbal teas that encourage calming effects. I hope one day I will find a way to cope with my anxiety better until that day I will fight a good fight and keep my chin up.

Don't Burn All Your Bridges

Last Summer was one of the hardest of my life and I paid for it dearly by losing someone I love and friends because I was getting in my own way. Ok that is kinda vague so let me explain....

Last Summer should have been a summer of love and happiness but I was dealing with my own personal demons like depression and anxiety that I was just a miserable person to be around. Nothing and no one was making me happy and I took it out on those that were closest to me. I would snap at people, not talk to people and just push them out of my life and blame them for what was really going on with me. I thought that I didn't need or want anyone in my life so life gave me what I "asked" for....

Due to my own toxic behavior and thoughts, I lost  the love of my life on my birthday (that is another blog post at another time). No he didn't die but it has felt like he has everyday since our last conversation which I haven't had the heart to delete from my phone. I was being selfish (which I still think every person has a small right to be selfish) and wanted our plans for my birthday to happen and he did what he always does, he pushed me away when things in his life got to hard.

After that things in my life just got worse and I pushed everyone away including my best friend who was there for me through some of the hardest parts of my life. I thought she would be happier to just not have the burden of me in her life so I pushed her away. I just stopped talking and she was upset and I just pushed her further away. It was not just me that I punished but our families as well because we were all very close.

This past week I was surprised to see a Facebook message from her asking if we could be friends again. Now that I am in a better spot mentally and spiritually, I said yes and we caught up on what's going on in our lives and our families. Then, we agreed to have coffee to chat in person. I will admit, I was as nervous as can be last night thinking about seeing her for the first time in 6 months.(thank goodness for a Xanax)!

Well, I just got back from having coffee with her and I am so happy that we got to chat. It was like old times again where we just talked like no time has passed. Living in the same town, I would try to avoid her and her family because I was ashamed of myself and my actions. Let me tell you it is hard to avoid people when you all shop in the same stores and her family works where you get gas! I ended up going out of my way to get gas and always looked over my shoulder when out shopping....

Learn a lesson from me and don't burn bridges! It is not worth losing people that care about you because you stand in your own way. They will understand what you are going through and help you through it if you tell them what is going on!

Walking into a Wall

"I love it when I go to the doctor's office and they tell me how I need to lower my stress level.... I am a single mom so there is no lowering my stress level right now." 

This has been the mind set I have had since my daughter was a baby and I went to the doctor for anxiety and depression. Here I was raising this baby who from the time she was born was awake every 2-3 hours until she was about 4 years old. As a toddler, all she wanted was Mommy to comfort her like when she was a baby and even going on 9 she does this on occasion still. 

I thought that as she would get older things aka life would get easier but it hasn't at all. If anything things became more stressful because instead of paying for diapers and formula now I was paying for dance lessons, recital fees, new dance shoes, clothes that got more expensive and the toys and gadgets that she wants. At 8 years old, I try to teach her the value of the dollar and how money doesn't grow on trees but then she sees her friends get all the things that she doesn't and feel left out which makes me feel like an epic fail of a mother. What parent doesn't want to give their child everything they desire and the memories that they will tell their grandchildren??

This is where I feel like I am walking into a wall because as much as I try to increase my income, it doesn't seem to be enough. I am a creative person at hear and a sales person by nature. I love to create and sell my products along with my other 2 sales business' but the only way I know how to expand requires the one thing I don't have.... a new, reliable car!

Before you go on to give me suggestions... my credit is in the dumps so no leasing a car, no I will not allow someone to co-sign for me and feel burdened to someone else, getting a "job" is outta the question due to not having transportation to get to said "job" and no I don't live in area that provides public transportation (you look out my window and all you see is trees and farmland). 

So there is my wall.... I feel like I cannot further my life the way it is but see no way of getting ahead. On a bright note..... I am grateful for the income that I do have, my loving, loyal customers and the business' that keep me afloat everyday. 

Lip Scrub Made in your Kitchen

This lip scrub is super easy to make from the products in your very own kitchen! All you need is a teaspoon or less of brown sugar (makes for a better exfoliant then white sugar), olive oil and honey. Locally harvested honey is the best for you to aid in fighting off allergies!

Keep your lips smooth and beautiful this fall and winter season by taking 3 minutes to scrub your lips!