Try Try Again

So I didn't make it through the first day of Whole 30! Around midnight on day one, I just couldn't fight the urge to eat something sugary. My hands were shaking, I couldn't sleep and the taste of just one Samoa Girl Scout cookie was to much for me. So I dug around to find my stash of Girl Scout cookies and ate just 1 cookie. Then I ate a Cadbury egg! Yikes I know!

I know that not every diet or way of life is for everyone so Whole30 might not be for me or at least right now. This experience did teach me not to quit though. I bought all the ingredients for a good salad and to eat healthy so I need to focus on the healthy eating aspect of my food habits. Yes cutting out all cookies or candy would be for the best but right now I need to learn the art of self control and limiting the amount of junk food I eat. Last night, I ate the same "bad foods" but not the other junk food that I craved all day.

What I am learning to do is replace some of the bad cravings with decent snacks like nuts or dried cranberries. I might not be able to go cold turkey with sugar but I can limit myself and keep trying to live healthier every day. Remember you are not alone in the struggle against food. Yes eating junk is cheaper and easier but your body will feel better when you get a special treat instead of eating it all day everyday.

Start of Whole30

The past couple of months, I have been suffering from what I thought IBS problems including dire pains that make me want to just die. I couldn't eat anything out because I was afraid that I wouldn't make it through the meal without having an issue. A friend of mine had talked on her Facebook about doing the Whole30 so I asked some questions and did my research. The Whole30 sounds like the detox my body needs and will help me find my trigger foods.

Whole30 isn't a diet but more of a lifestyle to make you feel better from the inside out. They don't like to be called a diet because a diet is for people looking to lose weight and that is not their goal for Whole30 eaters. Their goal is to have people love their bodies and feel good about their body no matter what weight they are. This was perfect for me!

I read the book, did online research and talked to people in Facebook chat groups about Whole30 and their experiences with it. People that have done it have loved it. Some people go longer, some people do it over again because they lost their way with food and need the reboost. If I lose weight that will be an added bonus but right now I want to look at how I can feel better especially since eating is a necessity and I used to enjoy it.

I went to the grocery store this morning and bought some of the staples like almond butter and coconut flour plus enough fruits and veggies for a week. I am having fun finding recipes on pinterest but this will be a real challenge for me because I cannot consume sugar. Sugar, chocolate especially, is my downfall. When I need a pick me up, I reach for a sugary snack. When its late at night and I can't sleep, I reach for a sugary snack. I have survived a late breakfast/early lunch and snack so far but the real challenge will be tonight.

If you have experienced Whole30 please comment your experience below! I would love to hear from others about this!

Have you found Passion?

The past few weeks I have been struggling with passion because I feel no real passion in my life. This has caused me to doubt my decisions, my life and my future. Many people know that I run 3 businesses: my handmade business, my tea business and my makeup business. I love each of these in very unique ways because each bring happiness into my life in their each, individual ways.

After coming back from a day trip in New York City, I missed the excitement of city life. I grew up in the country but always felt at home being in the city and around other people. My life right now is very secluded and lonely which contributes to my depression and unhappiness in my current life. I love selling tea and I have built a very nice team of tea lovers. My customers love my individual customer service and perks that I offer to them. I look at tea as making inside of my body beautiful while my makeup business makes the outside of my body beautiful.

The past week, things have occurred with the makeup company that have made me doubt if this company is the right fit for me. To start, I noticed that my upline and the rest of the team she built started sharing products from a competing makeup company. Then I realized that the whole team went and joined this company. So how does one feel when someone who sponsored you and supposed to be your support in this business leaves for a competing company? That is where the doubts started....

Then I was following a Facebook friend who was posting about her concerns over fellow consultants of the makeup business not being very welcoming to her because she runs more then one business including a skincare, pampering company which she has had much success in running before joining the makeup company. She shared her unhappiness of the way these consultants treated her. Well not even a day later, a consultant contact the makeup company's compliance department and reported this girl for selling for the skincare company (which doesn't sell any makeup). The makeup company made her decide us or them. Well she made the right decision and left the makeup company just 3 days after joining! This made my thoughts wonder because the the tea company selling tea infused soap aka skincare so will someone report me and make me choose??

Today, a friend of mine and fellow makeup consultant brought a post in our elite group that put down the consultants that run more then one business and my upline agreed with her. That was basically the nail in the coffin of doubts for me. I know that each of my business' contribute to my passion, my passion for life, my passion for art, my passion for beauty, my passion for the things I love. I know where I want to go in my life, that I want people that are willing to support me by my side and I will not allow the negativity to invade me life any longer.

My passion is for art and beauty in the life that surrounds all of us everyday. I see the world as art and I want to make the world a beautiful work of art with my passion.

The Daily Anxiety Struggle

My heart starts racing, my body temperature rises and my mind is racing. Then, I struggle to catch my breath and I can't get control of my own body. This is the struggle I go through multiple times everyday but people around me don't see my struggle as something real. I am told that I just need to get my emotions under control or just calm myself down. If it was really that easy....

How does one just calm down? This is not a fight with someone that you calm down afterwards or getting angry and then calming down. No! This is a fight within myself. A fight with my body and my mind at the same time because my mind thinks that something is wrong so it tells my body to react like something is wrong when in reality nothing could be wrong or I am stuck worrying about something I have no control over.

So much of my life I want to control so when I feel like I am losing that control then the anxiety kicks into full gear. There are times when I have one long, day long anxiety attack that keeps me from being able to function at all but to the outside world I am just lazy. The difficulty breathing just means I need to taking a few breaths and do what I need to do. The heart racing just means I need to think about something else and the racing will go away. The mind racing just means I need to clear my mind of my thoughts and I will be ok.

Until you have lived with anxiety on the daily level, you can never truly understand what is going on with someone with anxiety. Each day is a struggle and medication does not always work. Things that have worked for me is journal writing, meditation and yoga (when I can find quiet time in my life) and drinking herbal teas that encourage calming effects. I hope one day I will find a way to cope with my anxiety better until that day I will fight a good fight and keep my chin up.

Don't Burn All Your Bridges

Last Summer was one of the hardest of my life and I paid for it dearly by losing someone I love and friends because I was getting in my own way. Ok that is kinda vague so let me explain....

Last Summer should have been a summer of love and happiness but I was dealing with my own personal demons like depression and anxiety that I was just a miserable person to be around. Nothing and no one was making me happy and I took it out on those that were closest to me. I would snap at people, not talk to people and just push them out of my life and blame them for what was really going on with me. I thought that I didn't need or want anyone in my life so life gave me what I "asked" for....

Due to my own toxic behavior and thoughts, I lost  the love of my life on my birthday (that is another blog post at another time). No he didn't die but it has felt like he has everyday since our last conversation which I haven't had the heart to delete from my phone. I was being selfish (which I still think every person has a small right to be selfish) and wanted our plans for my birthday to happen and he did what he always does, he pushed me away when things in his life got to hard.

After that things in my life just got worse and I pushed everyone away including my best friend who was there for me through some of the hardest parts of my life. I thought she would be happier to just not have the burden of me in her life so I pushed her away. I just stopped talking and she was upset and I just pushed her further away. It was not just me that I punished but our families as well because we were all very close.

This past week I was surprised to see a Facebook message from her asking if we could be friends again. Now that I am in a better spot mentally and spiritually, I said yes and we caught up on what's going on in our lives and our families. Then, we agreed to have coffee to chat in person. I will admit, I was as nervous as can be last night thinking about seeing her for the first time in 6 months.(thank goodness for a Xanax)!

Well, I just got back from having coffee with her and I am so happy that we got to chat. It was like old times again where we just talked like no time has passed. Living in the same town, I would try to avoid her and her family because I was ashamed of myself and my actions. Let me tell you it is hard to avoid people when you all shop in the same stores and her family works where you get gas! I ended up going out of my way to get gas and always looked over my shoulder when out shopping....

Learn a lesson from me and don't burn bridges! It is not worth losing people that care about you because you stand in your own way. They will understand what you are going through and help you through it if you tell them what is going on!

Say What Wednesday.... Foot Cardigan

So originally I was going to have Wednesdays be Wordlesss Wednesday but that just seems boring to me since I like no scratch that.... Love to talk! So this is my very first Say What Wednesday which will feature products that I love or can't live without! For our debut, I am featuring Foot Cardigan. 

I first saw Foot Cardigan on a rerun of Shark Tank one night and it caught both Danyella's eye and my own because we LOVE funky socks! Think of Pippi Longstocking and Punky Brewster and that's our mismatched, funky socks! The funnier or more outrageous the better!

So after one of the Sharks made a deal, we immediately opened my iPad and checked out their website. For $12 (with shipping) a month, I could get funky surprise socks each month.... say What?! I ordered a subscription for myself and for Danyella. For Danyella's socks, I opted for the gift wrap for $2 more.  Plus for a bonus there was a code for a free pair of socks so Score a Win for ME!

Danyella received her pair first which came in a pack of 2 and gift wrapped with a picture colored by a kid. As a mom, I thought this was an awesome idea. The next day my socks came. The socks were in funky patterns and thick which I like. The only problem was that only one pair came in my package so I emailed Customer Service. I found out that the kids socks all come in packs of 2 which is even better for the money and our free pairs would come sometime in January when there new line comes out. 

I now have 3 funky pairs of socks so far and a shipping notification for my February pair is on its way. The customer service is super nice and speedy in their responses (I ended up screwing up my subscription and only Danyella's socks came in January so they fixed it and sent a new pair ASAP to me). If you love socks or looking for a different gift to give for a birthday head to footcardigan.com  right now!! 

         This is the pair I received yesterday!

Walking into a Wall

"I love it when I go to the doctor's office and they tell me how I need to lower my stress level.... I am a single mom so there is no lowering my stress level right now." 

This has been the mind set I have had since my daughter was a baby and I went to the doctor for anxiety and depression. Here I was raising this baby who from the time she was born was awake every 2-3 hours until she was about 4 years old. As a toddler, all she wanted was Mommy to comfort her like when she was a baby and even going on 9 she does this on occasion still. 

I thought that as she would get older things aka life would get easier but it hasn't at all. If anything things became more stressful because instead of paying for diapers and formula now I was paying for dance lessons, recital fees, new dance shoes, clothes that got more expensive and the toys and gadgets that she wants. At 8 years old, I try to teach her the value of the dollar and how money doesn't grow on trees but then she sees her friends get all the things that she doesn't and feel left out which makes me feel like an epic fail of a mother. What parent doesn't want to give their child everything they desire and the memories that they will tell their grandchildren??

This is where I feel like I am walking into a wall because as much as I try to increase my income, it doesn't seem to be enough. I am a creative person at hear and a sales person by nature. I love to create and sell my products along with my other 2 sales business' but the only way I know how to expand requires the one thing I don't have.... a new, reliable car!

Before you go on to give me suggestions... my credit is in the dumps so no leasing a car, no I will not allow someone to co-sign for me and feel burdened to someone else, getting a "job" is outta the question due to not having transportation to get to said "job" and no I don't live in area that provides public transportation (you look out my window and all you see is trees and farmland). 

So there is my wall.... I feel like I cannot further my life the way it is but see no way of getting ahead. On a bright note..... I am grateful for the income that I do have, my loving, loyal customers and the business' that keep me afloat everyday. 

Dance and Networking

As a homeschooling mom, I don't have much interaction with other parents which can be hard when you work in a networking marketing business. The one thing Danyella loves is her dance classes twice a week and those classes has helped me expand my networking market.

In a normal situation, I am extremely shy so I have learned to bring yarn and hook with my everywhere which strikes up a conversation with anyone and everyone. Most people want to know what I am creating, some people want to know how I learned how to crochet or knit (most people have nomidea there is a major difference between the two) at such a young age (I look like I'm in my twenties which feels nice at 34) and they all want to know if sell or take custom orders. 

After our initial crochet talk which has brought in orders, I talk about how I run 2 other businesses that bring together all 3 of my loves... Handmade, tea and makeup! I started bringing in samples of tea for my fellow tea lovers and gained sales for the holidays. Almost every class I would wear my amazing mascara, create a beautiful eye look and make my lips shine! The other dance moms and teachers would notice and compliment me. So for Christmas presents, the dance teachers were given Younqiue eye pigment, liner and lip gloss. My belief, like the tea samples, is that once someone tries something they will fall in love with it and so will their friends and loved ones. 

Networking isn't something that comes overnight but the way you create relationships over time. The person who may not be interested now could be the person who becomes your biggest customer or most successful team member in the future! Create those relationships with people you see all the tIme because those are the relationships that bring you success in the future! 

Where has the time gone?

 

Each morning I wake up with this feeling of excitement that it is a new day. I am determined to get so much accomplished and check off everything on my to-do list! As I create my list, I think that I will get everyone of these done and it will be so easy. I set off to start my day and then turn around to look at the clock... Oh crap it's dinner time! Who else has had days, weeks, months or even years like this?

This has been a daily occurrence for months for me. I wake up with the right mind set of creating a successful, accomplished day then before I know it.... The day is over and my list has barely been touched!

Being December, my days are filled with making socks and hats for customers, homeschooling Danyella, placing orders for tea and makeup customers, ordering presents online, fighting with companies over lost packages (another post soon to come), and trying to find time to eat and sleep. One day soon I will clean and organize my product stock, my room, Danyella's toys and find my brain in this mess. One day soon I will read the book I checked out of the library that I really want to read. One day soon will be 2016 and busy season will be over and I will have a tiny part of my day back and I will accomplish my to-do list! My goal for 2016 is working on time management!